


King of Hearts

by handsometabbyc



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Additional Tags to Be Added, Demon AU, Eventual Smut, Gun Violence, Human turned demon, M/M, Prostitution mention, Slow Burn, dying character (but no character death)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-05-10 00:09:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14726228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handsometabbyc/pseuds/handsometabbyc
Summary: Tony, a former surgeon with heart problems, is dying but offered an unorthodox solution to the matter from his secretly demon roommate. He unwittingly accepts and finds himself not only having to deal with Loki's friends and family, but becoming a demon himself.5/1/19: school's gonna be out soon so I should be able to update this in a couple of weeks!





	1. Seeking a Roomate for the end of the world

**Author's Note:**

> Oof...I've never had to use an archive warning but it seemed appropriate for this particular work. Maybe it was an overstep but a character having a heart attack, plus some supernatural stuff that involved pulling out someone's still beating heart ala 'Indiana Jones: Temple of Doom' seemed worthy of a heads up (fyi: no one gets thrown in a fiery pit though. just the heart bit, and it does get put back)
> 
> Where did this come from? Always been a sucker for demons and the supernatural and I wanted to take a crack at it with this. As far the heart failure thing that was definitely inspired by user [jldw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jldw) fantastic fic 'Dying Sucks' in that it made me think 'what if Tony had heart problems outside the context of the superhero universe?' (not to mention Loki saving him for that matter)

Loki rumbled through yet another town on his motorcycle, not quite sure where it was aside from the fact it was somewhere in inland northern California, maybe a couple hours above San Francisco. Where ever it was all that mattered was it was a god damn gorgeous day, everything still a brilliant green because it was early spring and the rainy season hadn’t quite spluttered off into months and months of hot arid weather. It was the sort of place that made him want to rethink his life as a drifter and just settle down somewhere.

Perhaps that’s why a particular man caught his eye, the world felt perfect and he was feeling unusually sentimental as the fading glow of the day hit his face just right as he drove by. Perhaps that’s why, despite him better judgement, he didn’t just pass through as always and just…stayed. For months.

That particular day he was passing as as the man was going into a laundromat with some flyers. “I could stand to do some laundry…” Loki muttered, pulling up. It was good an excuse as any to go in.

The place looked it hadn’t been remodeled since the seventies aside from a sixteen machine set of silver speed queens. He slipped off his sunglasses, scanning the place and quickly spotting the man in question, stapling a flyer to a bulletin board. He walked closer, squinting at it.

 “Don’t they have the internet for that sort of thing now?” He asked smiling when the man turned to him. “…Tony?” He added, referencing the name on flyer, which advertised a room for rent. Up close he looked paler then Loki initially thought.

“Thought it’d be more interesting the old fashioned way.” Tony said with a shrug. “Just for the hell of it you know.”

“In that vein are you planning on taking your laundry to this fine establishment while you’re at it, for the sake making things 'interesting'?”

Tony laughed a little at that. “In a dump like this? Fuck n-…” He noticed Loki’s bag. “No offense, to each his own I mean.”

“None taken, I only do them here because I need to.” Loki said. “Though it could be worse, looks like they’ve got some decent machines.”  Loki pointed out.

“Yeah, well it’s not so much the machines but the area around them, places like this have always seemed germ ridden to me. I don’t deal well with illness well, especially nowadays.” Tony said with a shrug.

“Not to be rude but I couldn’t help but notice you looked a little…green around the gills. Some sort of auto immune deficiency? If your worried about cooties from strangers.”

“Well it’s not that bad, daddy’s just got a bum ticker." He said, patting above his heart. "but still, I like to do whatever I can to stay in the red…or is it out of the red? I can’t remember, whatever to stay healthy I mean.” He said.

“I hardly think a bad heart is anything small.” Loki said, taken aback by Tony’s casualness.

“Well, it’s not the end of the world. As a heart surgeon I know there’s possibilities, and when it comes down to it you can always get a transplant.”

“A heart surgeon? Really?” Loki said.

“Former surgeon, technically, I quit when I got sick.” Tony said heavily. “A damn good one too.They used to call me the king of hearts."

"How tacky." Loki quipped with a smirk

"Honestly it was more a reference to my after hours status, I liked to play as hard as I worked." He said with a sly smile and wink, before remembering what he was talking about and sobered up. "I suppose it's probably what got me in this mess in the first place. Alas, it was fun while it lasted."

Loki would later learn that officially it was caused by an infection from some dental work gone awry. Being a cautionary tale for booze and debauchery was how Tony insisted he wanted to go out if he had to, rather than one for flossing more.

“Still that's uh…some tough luck.” Loki said, before gesturing to the poster. “I can help you with that though.”

“Oh, that’s nice of you, but I can handle pulling the rest of these up.”

“I actually was trying to say I’m looking for a place to stay for a week or two. I mean, unless you mind a greasy biker dude who may or may not be a bit of a drifter.”

“No, that was weirdly what I was looking for. Well, not specifically, but someone…interesting I guess.”

“What’s the rent?”

“Oh, there isn’t any rent.” He said, handing Loki a flyer, pointing to the line in question. “…At least not technically. I recently had to let my housekeeper go because I couldn’t afford her and medical bills, but I still need to get things done around the house. If that’s a reasonable exchange for you.”

“More than reasonable,” Loki said, looking over the sheet. “It is furnished right?”

A bit of flush went to Tony’s pale face. “…I forgot about that. Yeah, it’s furnished.”

“Good to know. So do you want to wait for other potential candidates or do we have a deal?”

Tony laughed in happy disbelief. “I guess we do. Who did you say you were again?”

\---

“His name’s Loki, Loki Odinson.” Tony informed Pepper when she asked about the man in the waiting room she'd seen him come in with for a checkup and a discussion about recent test results. He’d just stepped out from Dr. Banners office, or ‘ _Bruce’s office’_ as he was used to calling it. He still wasn’t used to the whole situation altogether, he used to work alongside the man at the UCSF medical center and now he was just a patient there. Made him feel powerless.

Pepper was a NP at the hospital; who he’d just run into on his way out, though he got the impression she might’ve been waiting for him. They had a history, though they’d decided they were better off as friends especially since they had to work together.

 “Thought I wasn’t in any shape to drive all the way to San Francisco. Don’t think he’s used to this yet,” He said gesturing to himself. “But I humored him.”

“I wouldn’t say he’s completely unreasonable Tony.” She said uncomfortably. “How’d you’re checkup go?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.” Tony said stormily.

“That bad huh?”

“It’s not exactly good, though Bruce says I’m a good candidate for a transplant and he put me on the list.” He said with a hopeful shrug. "...So there's that."

“I hope you’ve been taking care of yourself like you should, eating right-“

“And light exercise, yes Mom.” He said cynically. “I made the mistake of mentioning it to Loki, he’s taken it upon himself to helping me, my beautiful angel of death.”

She tusked. “Don’t joke about that.”

“You’ve gotta admit, he looks the part, at least when we’re walking down the street.” Tony said with a raised brow. “If the angel of death looked like a biker dude.”

“He isn’t…part of a gang is he?” She asked hesitantly.

“No, from what I understand he’s a lone wolf.” Tony answered.  “Come on Pep, It’s not like I can fool around. At least let me have something pretty and vaguely dangerous to look at…although he seems a lot less so once you see him vacuum.”

She laughed at that. “Well I’ll admit, I do feel better knowing someone’s there with you…can I meet him though?”

He sat in the waiting room slumped in his seat, frowning as he flipped through a Cabelas catalog. His leather jacket was slung over the seat next to him, shortish hair greased back like it usually was, booted feet crossed in front of him and jeans cuffed at the ankle overall looking strangely outdated, like he’d stepped out of a black and white movie.

“Yo greased lightning, I'm back.”

Loki started a bit at the sudden sound of Tony’s voice, but quickly recovered, putting the magazine and standing. “Tony. And …Ms.Potts I presume?”

“Please, Pepper’s fine.” She said with a smile, taking Loki’s hand in greeting. “…And Tony failed to mention you were English.”

“Something like that...and we all have to come from somewhere.” Loki said good naturedly.

“Yes, we do. We don’t magically appear out of nowhere, I mean, unless we, say...just got out of prison.”

“Pepper…” Tony warned.

“I’m kidding!” She said, though in a tone that said she probably wasn’t and a look that warned murder.

\---

“Pepper seemed nice.” Loki later said. They were in the living room folding laundry and watching the twilight zone, on the insistence of Loki who was partial to ‘classic’ television. _‘It’s the episode with the mannequins!_ ’ he’d said excitedly as Tony was about to blaze past it, but he was willing to humor Loki so he stayed on it.

“She’s one in a million.” Tony replied.

“She seemed protective of you…as if I was planning some sort of scheme to take advantage of you in your vulnerable state.”

Tony laughed uncomfortably. “I'm sorry about that.”

“I get it, I'm a bit of an enigma. If you have any questions...I'd be happy to answer." Loki said carefully. Just as long as he doesn't ask how old he was or whether or not he was human Loki thought to himself.

Tony shook his head. "I don't care about your past, and frankly I don't really want to know."

"Perhaps it'd be better if I left. I’m long due to anyway-“

“Please-“ Tony said, reaching for his hand on impulse before pulling it back away at Loki’s confused expression. “I mean, please don’t. It’s been great having you. I know it’s a lot to ask someone I’ve only known a few months, but could you…” He swallowed hard. “…Wait, if you get my drift?”

“Oh Tony, I’m sure it isn’t that bad…just today you said it didn’t get any worse.”

“I was sugar coating it.” He said with some difficulty. “I meant…I didn’t get much worse, but the treatments don’t seem to be making much of an impact. At the very least I’m a good candidate for a heart transplant, but the chances of getting a match are still slim. I just…I was hoping you wouldn’t be too quick to rush off.”

Loki reached for Tony’s hand like he’d started to earlier, wondering how he’d gotten himself stuck in this situation even if Tony did make it worth it. “…I’m here alright? With you as long as I need to be.”

Tony nodded, and satisfied, Loki let go of him and sat back, focusing on the TV again. It was a movie now, something with a very young Leslie Nielsen and a robot Tony was more familiar with then the film and frankly hadn’t realized it even came from a particular movie.

“You want to watch something else?” Tony offered hopefully.

After a moment of staring at the TV Loki said, “Yeah, it’s fine, I’ve seen Forbidden Planet before, don’t need to watch it again.” So Tony picked up the remote and started channel surfing again.

They sat in silence for a moment before Tony perked up. “What about Doctor Who? Do you like that alright?”

“That show that ran from the 60s to the 80s?” Loki said. “Yeah it was pretty good. A lot of it was pretty low budget granted, but you can’t fault it for that, given the country was probably still recovering from WWII.”

“…I was referring to the more recent incarnation of it, but yeah.”

Loki looked at him with disbelief. “Holy shit, they made more?”

Tony grinned. “Oh, this is gonna be good.”

\---

“So really, what’s is your deal?” Pepper asked Loki again one day a few months later while they were having coffee at Tony’s kitchen table by themselves. After meeting Loki she'd taken to dropping by the house on the weekends, which Loki suspected was to make sure he wasn't trying anything shifty. On this particular occasion Tony was taking a nap and she hadn't wanted to wake him since he hadn't been feeling particularly well lately.

“I’m sure you have you’re assumptions. Probably did a background check on me.”

 “Oh believe me I did, it didn’t really come up with much. I even got your fingerprints, gave them to a cop friend to run through the system…zilch.”

“Oh, you sneak!” Loki said gleefully, with a rare grin, the kind that made Pepper wish they’d met under less morose circumstances. “I like you, I can see why you and Tony had a thing. Aside from the fact that you’re a very attractive woman.”

She chuckled and gave him a little kick under the table. “Thanks, but I’m not that easy bub, stick to the subject.”

He shrugged helplessly. “…I’m a drifter, a lone wolf. I used to have a pack but we had a bit of a falling out. There’s really not a lot to it.”

“I’ve heard that much, but what exactly happened?”

“I’d rather not discuss that particular matter specifically. If Tony wants to know I’ll tell him.”

“At least tell me how you earned money, you look like you get by alright.”

“This and that, under the table stuff with a little bit of luck, and when it comes down to it I do what I need to.”

“And what’s that?” He laugh shaking his head, but she didn’t budge. “…I’m sorry but I have to ask.”

“What, because you think I’m gonna take advantage of Tony? That I’m running some kind of grift?”  He said guardedly.

“At this point I’m actually I’m mostly asking for your sake.” She said with a shrug. "What can I say, you've grown on me."

“Tony didn’t want to know.” Loki pointed out.

“Tony has a lot of strong suits but dealing with reality hasn’t always been one of them.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice that.” Loki said with a sad smile. “…Up until recently he was still so hopeful, even though-“ Loki bit his lip. “Not that that isn’t wrong, to be hopeful I mean.”

“…I on the other hand prefer to face things head on.”

Loki sighed, shrugging again helplessly. “Fine. Can we go outside?” He said. “This kitchen is stifling.”

They moved outside to patio chairs in the backyard, with a lawn and simple garden Loki maintained, including rose bushes. The temperature had recently spiked so the warm air was filled with the sweet smell of rose petals fermenting in the sun.

“…I’m generally pretty lucky.” He said. “I come by what I need pretty easily. But when I don’t, you know…I’ll do what I need to. Not in the sense of grifting, not usually, more in the sense of…escorting.”

“Like prostitution?”

“Ew.” Loki said in disgust. “Do I look like some kind common street trollop? No, I clean up, they show me a good time and then you know…I show them a good time. For a price.”

“Don’t you need an escort service for that sort of thing?”

“Like I said, I’m lucky.” Loki said lowly with raised brow.

They sat in silence for a while before Pepper spoke again. “…After all this is over you should try to get back in touch with your family, or… pack, whoever they are to you.”

“Pepper, I told you…”

“I don’t know what happened with you and them, but sooner or later you’re going to get older and it’s gonna get harder to fall back on...you know, that sort of thing.”

“Tell you what.” Loki said. “…When that happens, when I start going grey and all that garbage I assure you I will.” He said.

After that they both fell silence, trying to take in the beautiful day despite the fact that it felt like some overly colorful and bright dream.

\---

Pepper went in before him to talk to Tony, and Loki waited until he heard her car start up before standing up and going inside, pausing to take off a pair tennis shoes he’d recently found at a second hand store.

“Loki.” He heard Tony call out quietly, almost more of an acknowledgement then a request. Loki walked to his bedroom and he smiled weakly when he did, sitting upright in the bed and something about the image it struck him just how much Tony must hate this. Maybe that’s why he gleaned onto Loki so much, he was a stranger who didn’t know how great he used to be…all he knew was what the man was reduced to.

“Did Pepper have any news?” Loki asked.

“Aw, same old same old.” He said. “I have to confess, I might’ve been eavesdropping.”

Loki scoffed. “…What?”

Tony nodded toward the window. “It’s open, I can hear into the backyard.”

“Shit…” Loki muttered. “Sorry about that. I know you didn’t want-“

“No, I’m sorry. It was selfish of me, I wanted to pretend…I don’t know exactly what. I still imagined things, and I gotta say it was at least better then what I imagined.”

Loki huffed, gesturing to the bed. “…mind if I join you while we talk? I’m a little bushed.”

Tony smiled. “Take off your jeans first, they’re filthy.” 

“The rest of me is pretty filthy too.” He said, as he obliged him. “I was working in the garden before Pepper dropped in.”

“Aw, I can take a little dirt.” Tony said as he lay next to him. “You don’t need to do that, you know. Gardening I mean.”

“I like doing it, I don’t get much of a chance have a hobby that makes me feel normal.” Loki laughed at that. “Casualty of life on the road. Which is fine, it’s easier to not get attached to things like that in the first place.”

“Sorry I made you stay then.” Tony said heavily. “Like I said: selfish.”

Loki sighed shaking his head. “I think I would’ve stayed anyway. Even if you weren’t sick, there are just folks I can’t stay away from.”

“Thanks…that weirdly makes me feel better.” Tony said. “Though we probably wouldn’t have met if I wasn’t sick.”

“I don’t know…” Loki said with a glimmer in his eye, rolling over to press his lips against Tony’s, and Tony kissed back, wrapping an arm around him before they both reluctantly separated but stayed chest to chest. They did have feelings for each other, and while they didn’t like to acknowledge it given Tony’s condition, on occasion they felt themselves giving into small physical intimacies. 

“You were a big shot after all, with your nice job and the beautiful San Francisco apartment you had to sell-“

“Not the end of the world.” Tony said with a shrug. “I had my weekend house to fall back on. I do miss the city sometimes though.”

“-My point is, you were a big shot and I’m good at scoping that sort of thing out.”

Tony laughed dismissively. “The king of heart’s has never paid for sex in his life.”

“Oh, that’s what they all say.” Loki said suggestively .

Well, so what hot stuff?” Tony said.

“So there’s a good chance I still would’ve gotten…attached.” He shrugged. “It’s happened before.”

Tony sighed helplessly. “I guess that’s good to know…listen, what you were talking about with Pepper-“

“What about it?” Loki said pointedly.

“I’m not saying you have to stop what you’re doing,” He said quickly. “…I’m just saying you should keep in touch with your folks while you still can. If you still can I mean.”

Loki rolled away so he could look at Tony properly, propped up on an elbow."That isn't going to happen, at least not any time soon."

"Right, that's what they all say. Look, Not to sound too dark, but I’d like to die knowing you’ll be okay."

"Christ, don't fucking say that." Loki said.

"Look, I'm not crazy about it, and I'd do just about anything not, but it getting more and more apparent-" He trailed off, getting a little choked up.

Loki said tentatively:“…What if you didn’t have to?”

“What’re you talking about?” Tony said in confusion.

“I mean, what if you didn’t have to die.” Loki said. “What if I could help you?”

“Oh my God, if you’re about to suggest some guy you know who has a connection to black market organs the answer is a very firm no.” Tony said with dismay.

“No no no, that isn’t what I meant at all.” Loki quickly said. “I meant…see, I’m not exactly human.”

“Not exactly human?” Tony asked. “What else is there to be?”

“Well…I’m a demon.”

“You don’t look it.”

“I’m more than meets the eye.” Loki replied with a raised brow.

“Oh, no doubt. I just-“ He struggled for words. “I don’t understand what that has to do with saving my life.”

Loki winced, looking away for a moment. “Simply put: my people, we have a bit of a mutualistic relationship with humans where we relieve them of their human afflictions and they can be with us, as mates I mean. Because we have a longer life span then you, by thousands of years.”

“I’m assuming by ‘relieving them of their human afflictions’ you mean turn them into...whatever you are?”

“It allows us options outside our own circles, but it would save your life.”

“I don’t know if that really counts as saving.” Tony remarked.

 “Never the less, I myself have never been interested in taking up a mate and would be willing to do it to help you.”

“Why?” Tony said with befuddlement.

Loki sighed helplessly. “I just don’t know if I can handle seeing you die.” He smiled sadly, cupping his hand around Tony’s cheek, and for a moment he swore he was looking right through him. At him and yet not at him.

“Christ,” Tony muttered. “I don’t know.”

Loki looked a bit dejected by that. “Can you at least think about it?”

“Fine, I’ll think about it.” Tony said, and a silence fell between them.

“…I just want you to know you mean a lot to me too.” Tony said, breaking the silence. “Not to be too sentimental, I just feel I should say it.”

Loki smiled at that, He scotched up so he could taking Tony his arms, smooching the top of his head. “Well I can’t say I don’t appreciate a little sentimentality every now and again.”

\---

It was a normal evening a few days later when 'it' happened.

“Lok-…oh, fuck…” He heard Tony say followed by him falling to the ground, coughing and wheezing.

He rushed to the room, a burner phone Tony had lent him after he mentioned not having one already to his ear. “Hi, it’s my friend I think he’s-“

“Hey…” Tony gasped, shaking his head.

Loki held the phone away, falling to his knees. “What?”

“I don’t think…I don’t they they’ll make it.” Tony managed, eyes wide with fear. “Please, that thing we were taking about, I want…fuck…”

The sight of Tony convulsing and struggling to breath on the floor made his blood run cold. He thought there would be more time then this.

“We didn’t discuss what exactly it was.” Loki said. “And this situation isn’t exactly ideal for it.”

“Don’t care, just…just…” Tony said desperately. “Please. If you still can.”

“Never mind, false alarm, he was just...choking on something.” Loki said with determination, hanging up and letting the phone drop to the carpeted floor and straddled him.

He ripped open Tony’s button up shirt and pull off his own. “Sorry about this.”

Tony, fading now, could hardly open his mouth in question before he saw Loki transform into a horned demon with great claws, the latter of which he promptly used to plunge in his own chest, grunting as he got past the resisting barrier of bone and gristle. Tony had little time to recover from that traumatizing sight before he did the same with him until he got to his stilled heart, fingers clenching around it. Loki breathed heavily, growl-muttering something with his eyes closed. After several seconds he felt a beat return to it, albeit unfamiliar. He didn’t know what that meant, but at least he could breathe freely again.

He was about to speak, when with a snarl he felt Loki rip his heart out and then his own, both still beating in unison. He stuck his own in Tony’s chest where he could feel it move into place by itself, flesh and bone reforming over it. He was almost too preoccupied with the sensation that he almost missed demon Loki sticking Tony’s gross half dead heart in his own chest.

 _That can’t be good._ Tony thought in horror.

Loki rolled off him, looking normal again, human. He breathed raggedly and looked around with a strange delirium as if he suddenly didn’t know where he was. His hand went to an old looking locket he always wore around his neck. “Brother…” he heard Loki mutter. “If you’re still there, I need you.” He said laboriously, before collapsing.

“Loki!” Tony said with alarm, going to his side and feeling for a pulse, which he got, not exactly strong but steady enough. “Well thank fucking god…” He muttered in relief. “What the fuck dude?”

The cell phone Loki had discarded on the floor had started ringing again, no doubt the emergency services calling back.

He shakily picked it up. “Hey…no, that was a false alarm like he said. We do have a bit of a new situation here though…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Not sure when I'll update because this chapter was heavier then I'm used to writing and Ima need a bit of a break, but as the summery indicates it's most defiantly not done.
> 
> And of course, If I need to tag anything I didn't: Feel free to let me know.


	2. Bad News and Bad Dreams

“Are you sure he didn’t take anything?” Bruce asked. They were in the hospital, Loki nearby on a bed hooked up to a heart monitor steadily beeping away, the only thing that kept Tony from absolutely loosing it.

after Loki had come to the ER they had some test’s run after Tony's insistence 'there's something wrong with his heart'  and…well it hadn’t come back looking good.

Tony growled in frustration rubbing his temple as he paced. “I don’t know, I’d tell you if I did.” He snapped. “You’ll just have to find out through the toxicology report.”

“Just asking, you know it’s easier if we have specifics.” He said gently, prompting an apologetic smile from Tony.

“…Sorry, you’re right. I do appreciate you coming all the way over here to check him out.”

“Well it is in my wheelhouse.” Bruce said. “Did he ever show any indication of having problems before?”

“He seemed perfectly healthy.” Tony said as he paced erratically while Bruce watched in bewilderment.

 “What about you did you uh…take anything?”

“What? Of course I didn’t ‘take anything’, do you think I’m suicidal?”

“Well you’re acting like you just downed a six pack of red bull. Sorta reminds me of how you used to be like really.”

Tony stopped his frantic pacing, which he hadn’t fully realized he was doing. “…I suppose your right, which is funny because only a few of hours ago I totally felt like I was dying. As in heart attack dying.”

Bruce jumped to his feet in alarm. “Why the hell didn’t you mention that?!”

Tony paused to think that one over. “…I was worried about Loki, it must’ve slipped my mind.”

Pepper came in at that moment, still dressed in her work scrubs. “Hey, I had to finish my shift but I came soon as I could, what-“

“Tony chose just now to tell me it felt like he was having a heart attack earlier!” Bruce blurted.

“What?” Pepper said in alarm.

“Well I feel fine now. Like, really fine.” Tony insisted sighing in frustration as he held up his hands. “Look, I didn’t want to say this because it sounds completely bonkers, but I'm going to try and I need you to immediately shoot it down as implausible.”

As Bruce said _‘Of course not’_ Pepper simultaneous said ‘ _I can’t promise anything’_

Tony nodded. “Good to know. Anyway,  yes, yes I was having a bit of an…episode, something was going horribly wrong, but then Loki came in and…turned into a demon and ripped my heart out of my chest exchanging it for his own, essentially saving me?” He said with a wince, hoping it wouldn’t sound as off the wall as he thought it would.

“Oh my god it’s worse then I could’ve imagined…” Pepper groaned in horror, Bruce giving him that look, the ‘Christ you poor devil’ one, dammit he hated being sick.

“You could at least try to believe me.” Tony said with dismay.

“Tony, dude, it doesn’t exactly sound like you should trust your brain right now.” Bruce said gently. “For all we know you had some sort of hallucination related to something serious and should probably stay overnight so we can get things checked out right away. As far as your friend…” He sighed, looking at him. “I don’t know, he seems stable right now, but we’ll keep an eye on him alright?”

The next day tony was nervously watching as Bruce and Pepper were disbelievingly looked over his results, occasionally glancing at Tony.

“What?” He finally barked.

“It unbelievable. Pepper, you didn’t get these mixed up with someone else’s did you?”

“This is Pepper your talking about, of course she didn't.” Tony dismissed. “What the hell’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, you’re heart looks fine.”

“You mean not worse, right?” Tony said with a frown.

“No, better. Almost like…You got a new heart.” Bruce started, earning a look of surprised delight from Tony.

"So I was right." He said triumphantly.

“I didn't say that. there has to be a better explanation for it than that. Surely you understand Tony, you’re a doctor.”

“Well it was very convincing.” Tony said tiredly, resolve wearing down.

“How do you feel though?” Pepper asked. “You look…antsy.”

 “Beyond the fact my roommate is in a coma? …It hard to describe, I feel absolutely horrible and yet energetic. It’s as if…my veins are filled with airplane fuel. I feel like I could run a marathon right now…but it also feels like I’m running a fever and could drop dead at any moment.”

An uncomfortable silence settled in the room and Tony winced. “…Probably shouldn’t have said that last part out loud. But hell, I’ve probably said too much already so what the difference does it make?”

“Well, according to all the test there’s no indication you’re under any real medical danger.” Bruce said. “I just think its stress. We could keep you another night but I think the best thing to do is to go home and get some rest in your own bed.”

 “Loki-“

“-Isn’t going anywhere.” Pepper insisted. “We’ll call you if anything happens though.”

Tony sighed, shaking his head. “…Fine.” He relented.

As he walked away he reaching in his pockets to take out his phone to order an uber, and his fingers met with metal. Loki’s locket, he thought sadly, he’d pocketed before the EMT’s got to his house because hadn’t wanted anything bad to happen to it. He pulled it out for a closer look, studying the intricate almost flowery design, a cursive ‘L’ intertwined in it. It felt like something was in it, but the damn thing seemed to be welded shut.

He ran his thumb over the seam thoughtfully, reasoning it probably was for the best, he shouldn’t be snooping around in Loki’s private stuff anyway.

He pocketed the locket again and stepped outside to wait for his Uber and went home to try and sleep.

Thought that was better said than done, falling into a restless sleep plagued with events of the evening before, until he finally settled into his dreams.

\---

He was in a sun filled diner, though the place was empty. No cook or waitress, no patrons aside from a man he instantly recognized as Loki leaning over a jukebox playing some old fashioned country song, possibly Patsy Cline.

“Wasn’t this an episode of that creepy show you like?” He called out to the man. “In that small 1950s town?”

“The Andy Griffith show? Ugh, gross.” Loki said with disgust.

“No, I mean the sci-fi show, the something zone.”

“Twilight Zone?”

“Yeah, that. It was that episode where a pilot crashes outside a small town but he’s the only one there, but it turned out to be all in his head because he was put in a isolation chamber by scientists, like some borderline unethical experiment?”

 “Well it isn’t with you here Chuck, is it?” He said critically, smiling at him fondly.

“Uh…it’s Tony?” He pointed out. The smile faded and Loki looked at him with confusion before nodding.

“Right, the roommate with the heart condition.” Loki said, almost disappointingly.

Tony, not sure how to ask what the hell that even meant, asked instead: “So where are we?”

Loki looked out the window where a motorcycle was parked, brow creasing a bit. “Not sure. Nevada? Arizona? It’s hard to say. After so many decades everything starts to look the same. Somewhere in the desert.” He gazed out the window, looking to the west. “Can you feel it?”

“Feel what?” Tony asked.

“The desert.” He said in a hushed voice. “A great unlivable expanse, stretching out for miles and miles just waiting to swallow whoever ventures into it, just swallow them whole.”

As is if in a trance he walked forward, going outside.

Tony stood for a moment, watching Loki light a cigarette through the dirty glass before walking after him.

He stepped into a busy bar, blinking confusedly. A hand went down on his shoulder and he turned to see Loki in some sort of older military uniform, and he saw he was too. That big beautiful smile he wore and the general atmosphere of the place was jovial. _They’d won, it was over,_ he felt.

What was over? Thought Tony with confusion.

“The rest of the gang’s over there.” Loki said, speaking with an American accent, or at least an accent that was trying to be American Tony realized, as if the man was only doing in attempt to fit in.

He gestured to a table in the corner, and Tony’s actually recognized the two guys there, which was somewhat of a relief because it felt like he was in his own head, like it was at least partially his dream. He didn't know them well enough to remember their names, though he did remember they were family of a patient he had at UCSF.

“Tony, this is Steve and Bucky, we kicked Hitler’s ass together.” Loki said as they sat down.

…Then again apparently he did remember their names. There was a mirror across from it and upon glancing at it he frowned, a stranger with a mustache in his reflection. What the hell?

“Yeah we did!” Bucky chimed in as Loki lifted his beer glass and clinked in against his.

 “So tell us, what are you fella’s moving onto?” Steve asked. “See me and Bucky got this idea when we were all stationed in Italy, we want to open a restaurant here in New York that sells that delicious pizza they had there.”

“Please, I’ll admit it was good, but folks back here in the states won’t know what to make of it. You’ll be out of business in a month.” Tony found himself dismissively saying.

“Alright Chuck, then what are you going to do?” Bucky asked. Was this the guy Loki was mistaking him for before? He supposed he looked a little like him, but not that much.

“Oh, nothing over the top. I was thinking I’d get back together with my highschool sweetheart, maybe settle down…have a couple of kids. It’s old fashioned, but hey, it’s realistic.”

So this must be a memory. Or at least part of a memory anyway.

An uncomfortable silence settled over the table, and Loki sighed rising from his seat and moving past him gruffly. “…I need to get some air.” He said before striding out.

Both Bucky and Steve looked at him critically.

“What? What the hell did I say?” 'Chuck' snapped, taking a slug of his beer.

“You should probably go talk to him.” Steve pointed out, and Tony got up with a huff.

“Fine..." He said, hurrying after Loki.

“What the fuck is your pro-“ He started to say when he got , but Loki want there anymore, but neither was New York.

Only the ever expanding desert Loki mentioned before, at night. That’s what it seemed to be anyway, the only thing in sight a man walking toward a fire, blanket around his shoulders.

Tony shivered a little, realizing it was indeed a bit cold. He scanned the horizon, dark mountains under a great inky sky filled with stars that seemed to swim in his vision.

He swallowed, breathing shakily as he walked towards the fire, which casts shadows over everything making it a little more unnerving then it would’ve been. He didn’t belong here he suddenly realized. He hadn’t belonged in the diner or the bar either but there was something about him being here that seemed especially …wrong.

But what else could he do but walk forward, siting gingerly on a bolder near the man, again, who of course was Loki. With long hair and harrowing eyes that looked at him like he was a stranger, but it was him.

“Who are you?”  He said venomously, the English accent back,  lip curling up into a snarl.

“What?” Tony said in confusion. “We were just talking in the…“ He trailed off, jacking his thumb to a place he knew perfectly well wasn’t there anymore, but he was lost for words about what else to say. “I’m Tony! …I mean in this scenario I seem to also be a Chuck, whoever the hell that is, but either way you know me.”

“How dare you take an air of familiarity with me.” Loki said as he stood, blanket falling away. His clothes were worn, his feet bare and dusty. As he looked at Tony with growing disdain his long dark hair fluttered in the cool wind under the backdrop of a dark horizon. “You’re not supposed to be here mortal.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll go.” He said shakily backing up, but Loki grabbed his shoulder and Tony saw a knife in his hand.

“Where the hell do you think you can go?” Loki growled as he pulled out a hunting dagger from the sheath at his hip.

The sound of a great pounding rang through the desert and the last thing Tony saw was Loki looked towards it angrily.

He woke up abruptly gasping and covered in sweat, struggling to gain composure. It was just a dream, all just a god damn dream…

The hammering on the door sounded again, and Tony looked up in alarm. Of course, that must’ve been what woke him.

He grabbed his light satin summer robe and cinched it over a t-shirt and boxers, padding with a blind panic towards the door. He glance through the peephole, seeing an unfamiliar blond fellow with a build like a brick house and dressed from head to toe in leather. Which in hindsight he probably should’ve considered it wasn’t the best idea to just open the door for him.

“Can I help you?” He said.

“I seek my brother, Loki.” The man demanded. “I have reason to believe he’s here.”

“I’m sorry I think you have the wrong house- …Hey!” Tony said, as the burly blond pushed past him, picking up Loki’s leather jacket which was slung over a chair.

“Is this not his coat?” He demanded.

“No, that’s mine.” Tony said with a casual shrug.

“Don’t lie to me good sir, this isn’t even your size. The arms alone are twice as long as yours.”

“Gee thanks T-800.” Tony said with annoyance.

“It’s Thor.” Thor corrected as he started going from room to room, looking in the closets.

“I don’t care who the fuck you are. If you don’t get the hell out of my house I’m calling the cops.”

“And what, reveal you have my brother hostage-” Thor said as he stormed around Tony’s room, glancing at a framed certificate on the wall. “…Anthony Stark?”

He was vaguely aware of Tony warning about the police again as he caught sight of Loki’s locket on the man’s nightstand. He grabbed it, brandishing it triumphantly as he returned to the living room.  “He’s here. Or was here as the very least, unless my arrival was untimely.”

“Hey, give me that!” Tony said with alarm, rushing to grab it but Thor held it above his head when he swiped for it. “I’m just keeping it safe for him, he’s sick in the hospital.”

Shit…he shouldn’t have said that. Apparently Thor realized this, and, smiling triumphantly closed the necklace in his large fist and rushed out the door. Tony ran after him only to see him speed away in a motorcycle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Gonna update again pretty damn soon because this was originally 7,000 word monster but I wanted a little extra time on the last half of it. (Quality over quantity as they say.)
> 
> Naturally, If you have them I'd love to have your thoughts on what I've got so far.


	3. The Brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second part of what was supposed to be one chapter

Pepper was sitting in the cafeteria when her phone vibrated next to her. She glanced at it and answered.

“Tony.” She said in casual surprise. “I was just about to call you.”

 _‘Are you at the hospital with Loki?’_ He demanded.

“Yes, which I wanted to talk to you more about that actually, I double checked something on a hunch…”

_‘Very interested to hear about that, but I’ve got a more urgent matter, a huge blond fella who looked like he could rip a person in half with his bare hand claiming to be Loki’s brother just showed up at my doorstep five minutes ago…and I might’ve mentioned Loki was in the hospital and he might be headed there right now.’_

“Why would you do that?” She said in exasperation.

_‘…It just slipped! But, upside: I didn’t say which hospital.’_

“Yeah, it’s not like he’s gonna go straight to the first place in a twenty mile radius.” She snapped.

_‘Just notify security alright? I’ll be over there as soon as I can.’_

“I already told them not to allow anyone to see him besides you, me, and Bruce, but what exactly does this guy look like besides being big and blond?”

_“Long hair, blue eyes, beard…English accent, but it’s a little more eloquent then Loki’s, almost Shakespearean. Plus he was fully decked out in biker gear. Like, chaps and everything. He looked like the goddamn terminator.”_

“I’ll pass it along.” Pepper said begrudgingly, muttering obscenities under his breath after she hung up.

Apparently she was too late though because when she got to the admissions desk the man Tony had described was already there.

“I’m sorry, but he’s not allowed any visitors.”

“But I’m his brother.” He protested.

“…I’m sorry, he’s unconscious right now anyway sir.” Pepper chimed in.

“My people and I should foster him then, there’s little your human medicine can do for him.” He said.

“Human medicine?” She asked, but didn’t have long to wonder what that meant when he a break for it. “Hey, stop him!” she called out. A few orderly’s came after him but he threw them off like they were bugs and continued on his way.

By the time Tony got to the hospital Thor had finally been subdued, being taken away in handcuffs by two broad shouldered security guards. His face had an odd slackness to it, as if he’d been drugged, but he managed to jolt up when he saw Tony, struggling against his restraints.

“You’ll regret this Anthony Stark, my brother will cause more trouble than whatever he’s worth to you. He’s responsible for unspeakable acts and belongs with his own people who know how to deal with it when things get really bad.”

“Get him the hell out of here.” He said in bewilderment, walking toward Pepper. “What happened?”

“Exactly what it looks like. What the hell Tony?” She asked for the second time that day.

“I know about as much as you do.” Tony said as they walked before sighing and shaking his head dismissively. “Anyway, you mentioned something before about Loki?”

“I remembered something you said and thought I’d check in out on a hunch.” she said, as they stepped into someone’s office she’d been temporarily using while she was there and handed him a folder of test results. He sat down flipping through it and frowned. “…These are all mine. From a month ago anyway, why am I looking at them now?”

 “Because of this-“ She said, handing Tony another file, Loki’s results.

“It was the thing about the demon stealing your heart and putting it in his own chest, I thought I'd humor you by at least checking.” Pepper explained. “Now I know they don’t look exactly the same-“

“…But that’s how mine should’ve after the heart attack I felt like I was having.” He finished with dismay.

“Right.”

He looked up at her. “...This is a joke isn’t? You’re fucking with me.”

“You know me better than that Tony.” Pepper said seriously.

“So you believe me then? That my friend is really is some kind of demon?” He huffed in frustration. “…A stupid one at that, whose basically a vegetable?”

"I wouldn't say I believe you, I'm saying medically it goes with your story. And he does have brain activity, so he isn’t brain dead.” She pointed out.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Tony said bitterly. “Him being stuck in a body he could die in at any moment?”

“Look…I’m not saying anything for sure but at least your both still around.”

He smiled uncomfortably at that. “…I think I’m gonna go sit with him for a while.”

She didn’t answer, just returning the tight smile as he left.

Tony walked to Loki’s room looking at the TV first instead of Loki where some trashy talk show was playing.

“Hey, this ain’t your scene.” He said with amusement, finding the remote before sitting in the chair next to the bed, and started flipping through the channels. He paused for a second on an episode of the Andy Griffith show, scoffing a bit before continuing and settling on a spaghetti western with Clint Eastwood.

“That’s good enough, right?” He said hopefully, turning to Loki finally. “Least you aren’t going too crazy in there.” He said shaking his head. “I fucking hate this, you know? I know we agreed to this but I’m a doctor dammit, someone who dedicated their life to saving lives and I sure as hell didn’t want anyone giving up their’s for mine.” He took a moment to rethink that. “I mean, I’d be willing to take it if they were dead already obviously. Not what you did, which was balls to the walls insane. I oughta change the channel back to that talk show just for that.”

Tony sadly sat there for a moment before reaching for Loki’s free hand, the one that didn’t have an IV in it, cool but undoubtedly alive.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean that…I just want you to be alright.”

He sat there for about a half an hour until he couldn’t take looking at the poor bastard like that any longer.

He still felt fine, or at least his sudden increase in energy hadn’t been a fluke occurrence. He _felt_ like a walking trash fire. Maybe he was just stressed…he thought when he got home. He thought he'd try to rest but he wasn’t particular tired so sleep didn’t come too easily, and when it did it was in fits and starts. One day rolled onto the next, Pepper called to tell not much had changed. He didn’t go back to the hospital, and half expected the man claiming to be Loki’s brother and was almost disappointed when he didn’t.

Another night came, and around ten he put himself to bed.

Maybe he could go back to work eventually now he realized as he lay there. The thought was comforting enough that he could put his restless mind at ease and drift off to sleep.

\---

He was laying in the backseat of an older car, a slow doo-wop on the radio as they drove down a bumpy road, blinding sunshine pouring through the dusty windows.

“You alright back there?” Loki called from the front seat. There was a shooting pain in his shoulder and he went to touch it, fingers coming back covered in blood.

“…Did I fucking get shot?!” Tony said with alarm.

“…Is that a yes or no?” Loki asked.

“It’s a big no asshole, big fat no!” Tony said. “What happened?”

“Well see Tony, me and Chuck were short on dough so we decided to alleviate the situation illegally and it might’ve bitten us in the ass.”

“I think it’s more accurate that it bit him in the ass.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Loki said. “And it’s just a shoulder shot, that isn’t what you die from don’t worry.”

 “So this is a memory, isn’t it?” Tony asked. “Your buddy, bleeding to death in the back seat?”

“I just said you’ll be fine…” Loki said.

“But you do know how I died, don’t you?” Tony asked as they suddenly were walked what he assumed was some sort of fair, music and the smell of fried food all around them as the sun was getting low. “How?”

“…Christ, does this look like the right time to bring that up?” Loki said. “I’ve got two bucks worth of dimes and I’m determined to have a good time.”

Tony laughed. “Hold on…are we on a date?”

“It might be if we get drunk enough.” Loki said shrugging, slinging an arm over his shoulder.

“Right, because this is what, the forties?”

“I’m not sure, I do think it’s about ten years after the war so it’d have to be the fifties.”

“Still, that chalks up.”

“Say Chuck, we should take a ride on the ferris wheel, bet it’s just about tall enough to see your place. We could see that wife of yours hanging laundry just about now.” Loki said.

“Oh Chuck’s married now?” Tony said.

“Yeah, about two year ago. After that robbery gone wrong he decided to straighten his life out, settle.” Loki said with a roll of his eyes.

“Right, because you seem like a downright treat.” Tony found himself snapping.

“I just wanna have a good time alright?” Loki replied viciously, almost desperately.

Later on they were at what he imagined was Loki’s place, a small house with staticy black and white TV droning in the background.

“I should be headed home.” Tony, or Chuck said. A lamp cast a haunting light across their faces.

“Maybe you could stay just a little longer.” Loki said suggestively.

“You know I shouldn’t.” Murmured Chuck, though he still reached out and wrapped his arms around him. “But you are a damn compelling bastard.” He said in a husky voice.

“Oh, I know.” Loki said with satisfaction.

“You’re a son of a bitch…” He muttered as they kissed, and Tony had to admit that was partially him. Perhaps that’s why Loki pulled back to give him a look.

“Oh like you’ve never done the same.” He said.

“Had an affair with my closet case war buddy? I don’t think-“

“You know what I mean.” Loki said and Tony sighed.

“Fair point.” Tony relented, letting the memory take over again.

Kissing devolved into fucking, a frenzied and desperate but rhythmic thing that gave him the impression they’d done this many times before, Loki’s bed making horrid noises beneath them but fuck if they cared, god damn it if they cared.

Afterwards as he/Chuck was putting on his clothes as Loki was smoking a cigarette and watching a sci-fi b movie featuring a giant tarantula and a screaming damsel in distress, rapt with fascination in a way that made Tony’s heart ache a little. It made him think about all the movies and TV he might’ve missed, and wonder if he’d ever get the chance to show them to him.

“This is the last time, I can’t see you anymore.” He found himself saying, crushing the bittersweet feeling. _You idiot,_ Tony thought angrily while Loki laughed dismissively.

“You always say that.” Loki said.

“I mean it this time.”

Loki sat up nervously, finally looking away from the TV. “Listen here Chuck, we’ve been friends for years-“

“I know, I’m sorry but I just can’t do this no more.” He said, rustling around in his pocket for something and throwing a pair of keys on the bed. “Your always going on about how much you like the Scout, you can have it if for keeps…as long as you ride it on out of here and never come back.” He was referring to his motorcycle, a 1949 Indian Scout.

“There’s gonna to be other men, you know!” Loki spat out after him as he left. “Getting rid of me isn’t going to change a God damn thing.”

Anthony found himself pausing, before saying: “…You're the only man for me Loki Odinson. This is probably gonna kill me but I really need you gone.” before stepping out for good.

“Well shit.” Tony said looking around the unadorned desert landscape, yet again. The fire was still there and the single figure by it, pacing about like an agitated wolf. Tony walked towards the fire...which might've not been the best idea because as soon as he got close enough to see the whites of Loki's eyes he swung to face him, lips pulled back into that vicious snarl, that damn hunting knife in his hand.

“Hey hey- I wasn't that asshole back there. I’m Tony, remember?” He said, stumbling back before breaking into a run, the sound of Loki crying out in rage and chasing after him. He tripped, hitting his head on a sharp rock…

Tony woke up, gasping for air, hand going to his head.

“Just a dream…” He murmured to himself, the early morning light streaming through the curtains. Or was it?

He threw on some clothes and went outside into the cool morning to take a look at Loki’s motorcycle. It wasn’t an Indian Scout, but a Harley, a newer model at that. He sighed with…relief he supposed, he figured if it would’ve made the dreams real.

 _Of course it wasn’t real._ He reassured himself, but he wasn’t very convinced.

Before he went to the hospital he took the time to push the Harley into the garage. He didn’t know why he hadn’t done that before.

 “Hey, I’m back.” He said nervously when he came into Loki’s hospital room. Christ, he looked like a corpse. A very handsome corpse, but a corpse none the less. After a moment of hesitation he pulled up the chair.

“I’ve been have a particular dream. It’s a bad one, where you try to kill me?” He said with a sad laugh. “I’ve got a feeling this has got something to do with what you did…you know, the impromptu heart transplant?”

He sat there in silence, before adding: “…I’m not mad, I just want to know what the hell is going on. Christ, I wish you could talk to me right now, tell me what the hell…”

He suddenly realized: there was someone he could talk to.

But how? He wasn’t even sure where Thor even was now. As he was ponderingly walking away from Loki’s room, past admissions and into the waiting room, he paused to look at a tough looking couple, a man and a red haired woman who he’d seen glaring daggers at him when he’d went in.

“…I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume your friends of Thor’s.” He said slowly.

“Who wants to know?” The redhead asked flatly.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Tony said. “I need to talk to him about his brother…or whoever he is to him, I’m not familiar with the whole biker scene. Can you tell me where he is?”

“I suppose we could,” The man drawled, “But the question is why would we?”

“I just need to talk. And really it’s in your best interest, the sooner this is sorted out the sooner you guys can leave.”

He groaned, turning to the redhead. ‘ _Well he does have a point there Natasha_.’ He said, speaking in Russian.

‘ _Does he Clint? We came here for Loki._ ’ She replied as such.

‘ _When has that bastard caused anything but trouble for us?’_ He pointed out warily. ‘ _For all we know he could convince him to leave him behind with him.’_

Natasha scoffed. “You have a point,” She said to him in English, before turning to Tony. “Unless I’m mistaken he’s at a bar called the Boar’s Head right now.” She said.

“Thank you.” He said, before walking away.

He knew exactly where that particular place was, he’s drop in there sometimes when his weekend house was still just that. It was a decent place, not too seedy and yet not too gentrified.

He quickly spotted Thor, playing pool with what looked like more of his people, and it dawned on him it might’ve not been the best idea to come here alone.

“Hey Tony, long time no see!”  The bartender called out to him. Well, luckily he wasn’t too alone.

“Yeah, I got sick. You remember that little heart thing I was telling you about? It sorta turned into a big thing.”

At the sound of his voice Thor looked up, and after saying something to his friends strided over to him. “Anthony Stark, surely you aren’t here on bad tidings? I’ve stayed away from the hospital after all.”

“No, I actually wanted to talk.” He said, gesturing to the bar. “A ginger ale, and a beer for my…new acquaintance.” He addressed the bartender.

“You don’t drink?” Thor said with surprise.

“It’s a whole thing I’d rather not get into.” Tony said as they both accepted their drinks. “I just had some questions, and while I’d prefer to ask your brother that’s clearly not an option given his conditions.”

“Depends, if I answer these questions will you release him to me?” Thor said.

“…No.” Tony said after a moment of thought. “I would, but see…I don’t really know how he feels about that.”

“Of course it’s what he wants, he called for me didn’t he?”

Tony thought back, and vaguely recalled something like that happening. “…I can’t be sure. But if you answer my questions I’ll let you see him. With supervision of course.”

Thor frowned in contemplation. “Fine. What questions do you have for me Anthony?”

"I'm assuming you're like Loki right? A demon?"

"We’re Æsir demons, from a place called Asgard, a once proud nation my father led but after a conflict with humanity we were forced to scatter. Little by little I’ve managed to bring our kind back together, a feat that would be much easier if my brother would lead by my side. Alas, he’s had his own agendas over the years. Most recently vigilante work.”

“Vigilante work, really?” Tony said with surprise. He considered bringing up how Loki's work as an escort, but reasoned Loki might not want him to hear about that. Hell, Thor probably wouldn't want to hear about it.

“I don’t know much about it, he’ll sometimes reach out when he gets in too deep.”

“Reach out?” Tony asked curiously, and Thor pulled out a locket from around his neck similar to Loki’s.

“They're enchanted, connected. Either one of us can call out with theirs and the other will know their location…he usually just uses it to ask for help.”

“And you always come?”

“Of course, he’s my brother.” He said matter of factly as he tucked the necklace back under his t-shirt. "This is the first time in years though, evidence the vigilante work might’ve just been a phase."

“He doesn’t look anything like you though.” Tony pointed.

“He takes more after his maternal grandmother, or so I hear.” Thor said. “I never got to meet her. She was human and died before I was born.”

“Wait, hold up…” Tony said. “So you folks can have babies with humans?”

“Our mother wasn’t human, at least not when she had us. Our kind is dependent on humanity to carry on, once we find a proper mate and go through all the proper trials we uh…” He chuckled. “…Well I don’t need to get into the gruesome details. But it’s a sacred rite that shouldn’t be taken lightly.”

“Sure…” Tony managed, ears ringing. Fucking shit what the fucking hell shit fuck…

“Was there any other questions you had to ask?” Thor inquired.

“Nope. Nope, that was…that was just about it.” Tony said, lips pursed. “…Why don’t we see that brother of yours huh?”

When they arrived at the hospital a number of the staff who recognized Thor looked alarmed but Tony waved them off.

“At ease, he’s with me, I’m letting him see his brother on the terms he doesn’t sling him over his shoulder and live with him like a Viking.” Tony said.

“Nonsense.” Thor said in response to the notion as they walked towards Loki's room. “I shall revive him and we’ll walk out like men.”

“Wait, you can do that?” Tony asked in wonderment.

“Aye, with little trouble.” Thor said proudly.

 “Right about that: I should’ve told you earlier, your brother did have a pretty serious, well, I guess you could call it an accident-”

Thor waved that off. “Please, no ‘accident’ has yet to best the likes of us.” He said flippantly as they entered Loki’s room. Thor smiled almost reminiscently at the sight of his brother, and knelt down where he could face him. He took one of Loki’s hands in his, murmuring something Tony couldn’t hear. The murmuring got more urgent until Tony heard, _Loki this isn’t funny wake up._

He stood backing away, looking at them with confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“We aren’t sure what happened, but based on evidence your brother had a bit of a…heart attack.” Tony said.

Thor looked confused for a moment before realization dawned on his face, closing in on Tony.

 “I can explain.” Tony quickly said as Thor turned to him with a look of rage.

“I seem to recall you mentioning something at the bar about heart problems you yourself had?” Thor said accusingly.

“Well, yes, I did say that.” Tony said.

“I'd hazard a guess you beguiled my brother into giving you his heart like some kind of malicious seducer? Like a…“ Thor contemplated for a second before blurting: “…Like an incubus!”

“As flattering as all that is, I didn’t do any bewitching or seducing, he suggested it to me before I even knew he was human.”

“…There wasn’t any persuasion?” Thor asked.

“If anything he was trying to persuade me, I only ended up agreeing because I was having a heart attack and was scared.” Tony said.

“…If that’s true he’s truly a fool.” Thor said with disgust.

“I was dying though.” Tony argued.

“Such is the human condition. But you should’ve died. He should’ve let you die.”

“Are you serious?” Tony said with outrage.

“I only say that out of compassion hu-“ He faltered, and Tony looked at him smugly.

“You can’t exactly pull the whole 'Holier than thou, mere mortal’ card with me can you big guy?”

“You’re in for a world of pain Anthony, I wouldn’t be so smug.” Thor said. “You don’t want this.”

Tony steeled his expression toward Thor, starting to get a little ticked off now. “Maybe not, but I’ll say this: I’d rather be alive, and I won’t be sorry that you’re brother saved me for whatever reason he did. And you want to talk about pain? I’ve been battling my garbage heart for years now.” Tony said dismissively. “…Pain and I are old friends at this point. We go bowling every other Wednesday.” He spat out.

“It isn’t just that kind of pain.” Thor growled. “It’s the kind you couldn’t comprehend, that comes from having your humanity striped away, a kind of spiritual anguish.”

“So does that have to do with the dreams I’ve been having?”

Thor looked at him curiously. “What sort of dreams?”

“I think they’re memories.” Tony said. “Maybe, I think they’re a little muddled with my own too but I can’t be sure. I do have a reoccurring thing though where he tries to kill me, that doesn’t seem like a memory but something more…primal I suppose?” Tony said curiously. “We’re in the desert, and he’s this long haired wild man who goes after me with a knife. So, why would he want to kill me?” Tony asked. “We aren’t star destined soul mates or any of that shit, but I’d consider us good friends…”

“Well…just to be clear he isn’t doing anything, as far as I understand the exchange doesn’t provide any kind of mental connection. The memories you mentioned are merely echoes of the pasts ebbing away, like a former tenant clearing out for the new owner. For the new heart you possess isn’t only of the body but the spirit. As for the dreams in the desert, well…” Thor sighed. “It’s said that when a human receives an Æsir heart the heart doesn’t recognize the host as it’s owner, not at first. Usually it’s a less hostile interaction but…” Thor trailed off reluctantly.

“What?” Tony demanded.

 “He came to this country before me.” Thor continued with tired amusement. “After our kind scattered. Which was partially his doing by the way.” Thor said, slinging the words towards Loki before waving it off. “But that’s a whole different story. He came here in search of a new start, but he would eventually beckon me to come to his aid in the desert. I know not why or how long he was there but it drove him half insane.” He sighed with sad reminiscence. “I told him to come home, he wouldn’t listen.”

“Well, as much a shame as that is didn’t you just say he helped mess up your little demon society? I imagine he wouldn't be very eager to face that."

“A mess that he should've returned to clean up.” Thor said. “But it wasn’t a complete loss, when I was there I ended up accidentally running into a pair of our own kind, a human born and her mate. I believe you met them earlier.”

“I believe so.” He said, adding sarcastically: “Upbeat folks.”

“Russian immigrants, or at least she was. They were working an oil field at the time. It lead me to the decision reconsolidate my people who made their way here and hopefully eventually persuade my brother of his responsibilities to the family and his people.”

 “What does this mean for him though?” Tony asked, tone softening from the hard defensive one he’d been using with Thor. “…Please tell me he’s going to be alright.”

“We aren’t killed that easily, he’ll revitalize your damaged heart like any normal human’s, It will just take longer.” Thor said gravely, looking at his brother.

“Can we do anything for him?” Tony asked.

Thor crossed his arms, looking around the hospital room. “…You could take him back to your home.”

“Does that have some sort of benefit?” Tony said skeptically.

“Not exactly, this place just reeks of despair.”

“Well it’s the best place to keep him if something bad happens -”

“Nothing bad will happen, he’ll slumber until he gathers enough strength to rise again. But do what you will Anthony, he’s your problem now.” Thor said flippantly, digging in his pocket and throwing what turned out to be Loki’s locket onto the bedspread before marching out.

“So dramatic, I feel like some Victorian broad knocked up out of wedlock.” He said as he pocketed the locket, glancing at Loki and smirked. “You see what you did, you see all this trouble you caused for me?” He said.

\---

Thor Met Clint and Natasha were both waiting for Thor outside the hospital, falling into step with him when he came out.

“Did you see him? How is he?” Clint asked.

“Well, or he’ll be well enough eventually. I left him in the care of his new friend.” Thor said.

“So we can leave town then.” Natasha said.

“No, I believe it would be wise to stay longer.” Thor said heavily.

“What for your brother?” Natasha said with disbelief. “You just said-“

“This isn’t about just him anymore, it’s about his new friend, Anthony. Circumstances have changed that affect him and those around him.”

“You don’t mean-“ Clint started.

“Yes.” Thor said. “Apparently he was dying and for whatever reason my brother chose to use his heart to save him.”

 _‘Like you said: more trouble than he’s worth.’_ Natasha muttered to Clint in Russian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! if you liked it, kudos and comments are always appreciated


	4. Miserable is Better Then Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …so this took me a while longer to write then I thought.

“You mean to tell me you just got better, and now you’re going to waltz back in here and get your old job back?” Nick Fury, the hospital’s director said in disbelief.

“Well I do have a clean bill of health, just ask Brucie.”

“I already talked to Banner about it, and I don’t care how clean your bill of health looks, it doesn’t explain why you recovered from something that’s irreversible. In what seemed like a week from what I understand.”

“Medical anomalies happen all the time. Sure, usually in the bad sense, but they happen.”

“Not like this.” Fury said.

“I’m of the best surgeons in your hospital. People have traveled across the country because of me, and I rarely let them down…what, because I had a little heart condition I can’t come back?”

“Partially, but it’s mostly because of who you are. You’re an egotistical son of a bitch with a bad bed side manner, and you only get away with it because of your so called talent. If you were sued of malpractice your condition, former as it may be, is a liability, and can not only be used against you but the hospital.”

Tony sighed in frustration. “…Could you give me something? Anything to get me out of the house. I’m crawling out of my skin there.”

Fury sighed in contemplation before saying: "Tell you what, you've a lot of experience in the field so I'm gonna put you on probation, in an advisory position."

"For how long?"

"Until I really feel your better." Fury said pointedly.

“Well it's something,thank you.” Tony accepted begrudgingly, starting to leave.

“And Stark-“ Fury added, making him turn back to face him.

“Yes?”

“…I’m sorry to hear about your friend, or whoever he is to you. That’s sounds tough.”

Tony laughed uncomfortably at that. “…I appreciate that. His brother believes he’s gonna pull through, wish I had his optimism.”

“Maybe he’ll just ‘get lucky’ like yourself.” Fury said with sarcasm, though with a hint of care.

\---

Pepper stood outside Tony’s house, smoking a cigarette and staring off into the distance worriedly.

“I hear those are very bad for you humans.”

“Jesus!” She said, jumping a little at the sudden appearance of Thor. “Where’d you come from?”

“I walked. Well, I rode, parked my bike around the corner so I wouldn’t give you a scare. Try not to anyway.”

“You’re that angry guy who was at the hospital.” She said. “The man claiming to be Loki’s brother.”

“Thor Odinson. And I am his brother. Anthony and I have since mended our qualms and um…misunderstandings. Just ask him, he’ll tell you.”

“Well, ‘Anthony’ isn’t here right now, I just dropped in to check on Loki since I live close by. He hired a nurse but we got some dates mixed up about when she was supposed to come in.”

“Loki…He’s here?” Thor said.

“He’s stable and it’s cheaper than keeping him in the hospital.” She said. “And yes I suppose you could take him but Tony felt-“

“No, it’s alright, I now believe the best place for him is here.” Thor dismissed. “I see Anthony heeded my advice about taking him home, I am pleased.”

“Like I said, It was a financial thing.” She said. “I’m Pepper by the way, Pepper Potts.”

“Pepper?” Thor said in befuddlement.

“Tony called me that and it caught on, it’s really Virginia.” She said with a little smile as she took another drag. “And yes, I know.”

“Know what?”

“About the smoking thing, stupid habit I started in back in college. In my defense I try not to make a habit of it, but I get stressed and it feels like the only thing that’s going to the edge off.”  She scoffed. “…It’s never worth it though.”

He smiled a bit at that. “It’s always so odd interacting with you humans, you’re such fragile particular creatures. Unlike Loki I generally only hang around my own kind so I only get to do it when he runs into trouble and I have to come to his rescue. The last time there was this girl Loki was interested in romantically, I believe she was a nurse like yourself. Well she saw him smoking once and really read him the riot act about it.”

 “…Must’ve sunk in, I’ve never seen him smoke.” She said with a chuckle as she self-consciously snubbed out her cigarette. “Then again, since he’s crazy about Tony and Tony’s a doctor so he could’ve just assumed he felt the same way…I’ve got to ask, you keep saying ‘human’, implying you and Loki are something else?”

“Tony didn’t tell you?”

“I’m sure he felt I wouldn’t believe him, not that I do but…” She gestured helplessly. “What the heck.”

“We’re Æsir demons, originally from the long gone nation of Asgard. We aren’t immortal as some people believe, just…” He smiled weakly. “Well we age slower one might say. Thousands of years slower in fact.”

“You look human.” She pointed out.

“Oh I assure you it’s essentially smoke and mirrors, underneath it all we’re all really nasty looking brutes, dark gold scaly skin, menacing claws, great horns. But our survival depends on human society accepting us so over time we’ve…learned to adapt one might say.”

“As in you eat us?” She asked with alarm.

“Heavens no.” Thor said with alarm. “Well, perhaps in the very distant past, but we’ve risen above that sort of thing. Now it’s more about living normal day to day lives, and if the need arises charming a perspective partner.”

“And what exactly do you mean by that?”

“Ah…well I told Tony about it, why you don’t ask him?” Thor said uncomfortably then frowned, remembering why he came here. “Where is Tony by the way? I wish to speak with him.”

“In San Francisco, trying to get his old job back.” Pepper said with dismay. “I told him it was a losing battle, but he never listens.”

“Job?” Thor said in confusion. “But his place is here with his ailing uh...friend. Is he in dire need of money?”

“He likes working. The job was his life before he started getting heart problems.”

“That seems rather peculiar given his insistence on taking care of him.”

“He is taking care of him.”

“I will not have my brother taken care of by strangers!”

“It’s not like he hired them off Craigslist, their highly trained…professionals…” She trailed off as Thor angrily strode off. “Where are you going?”

“Won’t be gone long, just need to get my bike.” He snapped.

By the time Tony got home half an hour later Thor was knelt on the pavement, tinkering with his bike.

“Anthony.” He said, standing. “I wish to have words with you.”

“Yeah, Pepper called.” Tony said. “Something about having a problem with me going back to work? I assure you Loki will be fine, he’ll be in good hands.”

“I didn’t wish to mention it in front of Virginia, but it’s not just Loki I’m concerned about, it’s you.”

“Me?” Tony said in disbelief. “I’m fine, in fact I’ve been getting better and better.”

“You aren’t out of the woods yet. Your body is going through drastic changes, and at a certain point being in a hospital being around…blood and innocent bystanders is inadvisable.”

“They aren’t letting me operate on people for the time being, I’m just a consultant.”

“It’s still a place with a lot of people you’d be putting in danger.” Thor said. “If you’re really a man who cared about helping people you wouldn’t selfishly disregard their safety.”

“Oh please, you can’t call me selfish for doing something I didn’t even know was ill advised.” Tony quipped.

“That was indeed irresponsible on my part…but I am telling you now.” He said.

“…How much time do I have time until, what, I loose it and start blindly attacking people? Is that what would happen?”

“It varies from person to person, not to mention depends on the individual giving the heart. Loki well…he was, is, unpredictable to say the least."

“Well I’m not about to not go back to work after begging for my job back, for all I know you could be making all of this up.”

“…You have no reason not to believe me.” Thor said. “But if you truly insist on returning to work I can't stop you, but I suggest taking precautions.”

“What sort of precautions?” Tony said.

“Well, for one having one of my people near your place of work, if things should go awry you can contact them.”

“I guess I could do that. You said precautions plural…what else?”

Thor, looking determined, said: “If you need someone to care for him, please, let me.”

Tony sighed with dismay. “Oh for pete’s sake…he’ll be in good hands.”

“He’s my brother.” Thor said stubbornly.

“Fine, I’ll be sure to give the person I hired a heads up.” Tony said. “But just you, alright? None of your biker friends.”

“You have my assurance, when do you go back to work?”

“Tomorrow, but only in the afternoon so you won’t need to come until ten.”

A broad smile spread across Thor’s face. “Grand, you shant regret it.”

“Don’t tempt fate.” Tony shot back as he went inside.

\---

That night his sleep cast him into that same unfamiliar depth of memories that wern't his own. One minute he was desperately trying to study for a test he’d passed years and years ago, the next he was sitting at table with Loki in a quaint little house that was meticulously decorated as if someone had poured their heart into it, a woman in the kitchen prepping tea and cake.

“Chuck’s house right?” Tony murmured.

Loki, who looked worried, turned to him and shot him a wary smile. “Yeah, that’s Chuck’s wife.”

“Suppose I’m Chuck as usual.” Tony said, and Loki frowned.

“Course you aren’t, Chuck wasn’t here for this.” Loki said. “Your just Tony.”

“Right, _just_ Tony.” He added bitterly. Loki was about to answer but Chuck’s wife walked out of the kitchen, a tray with tea and cakes in hand.

“I wish I had more notice, I could’ve had something more than this spice cake for you.”

“Please Iris, you shouldn’t fuss over me so.” Loki gushed.

 A toddler ran over to clamber up on his mother’s lap after she sat down.

“He looks just like Chuck.” Loki said with surprise.

“That’s generally how it works.” She replied, amused.

“It’s just a bizarre concept to me.” Loki said. “Having kids, kids who look like you.”

“I’m sure you will someday.” She said. “You just have to find the right person.”

Loki quirked a smile at that. “Right, I'm sure.”

The kid’s brother called out in the other room, and the little boy ran to him.

“Bet they’re a handful, me and my brother certainly were at that age.” Loki said reminiscently.

“They’re alright.” She said contentedly. “Me and Chuck are hoping to at least have a couple more, maybe get a farm in a couple of years.”

Loki swallowed hard, bile rising in his throat. “You shouldn’t trust him.” He said suddenly to Tony’s dismay. _Shut the fuck up, you utter moron, he has kids!_

Suddenly Loki was back in his own house. Chuck, enraged, boiling in while Loki sat on the foot of his bed drinking a beer and watching TV, and it struck Tony how small the place was with the bedroom in the same vicinity as the front door, only the kitchen and bathroom separate. 

“I thought you were gonna leave.” Chuck demanded.

“You just told me to leave, I didn’t say I would.” Loki said coolly as he stood.  “I’m not so easily bought off. Lotta bikes in a world filled with people I don’t give a shit about…why leave when the only one I care about is here?”

“Because he’s married, with kids.” Chuck said desperately. “And how can you not understand how messed up what you did was? Telling my wife about us?”

“I said nothing about us.” Answered Loki. “I just said you were a lousy cheating snake. Says a lot that she so easily believed me. Say what you will but there’s always gonna be someone else, another woman, even another man.”

“Of course not,” Chuck said with a scoff. “God dammit, I told you were the only guy for me. I meant that.”

“We could’ve had everything.” Loki said helplessly, shrugging as he stepped into Chuck’s space. “I could’ve given you everything. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to do that with. I still could.”

“Dammit Loki.” Chuck murmured. “You say that but it’s not true. You just don’t understand.”

“Maybe you could go back to your wife, and we can work something out.” Loki said weakly. “She seems reasonable enough.”

“What like those freaks back in New York, with their stupid little pizza place?” Chuck said with a sneer.

“Don’t call them freaks.” Growled Loki, angrily. “It could work. I mean, you wouldn’t be able to have any more kids after it but you already have two-“

“Loki,” Chuck said firmly, hand going to his cheek. “Babe, you know I love ya and I wish it could work but that’s just a chance I can’t take.”

“Of course I’d find you here.” Iris said in a dangerous tone from behind him, and with an uncomfortable smile Chuck turned to her. She looked a lot more unsettled then Tony’d last seen her, hair in a messy bun and what he presumed Chuck’s shot gun in here hands.

“Sweetie,” Chuck said, “Honey, this isn’t what it looks li-“

She didn’t let him finish, shooting him right in the chest, a spray of blood going across Loki’s face. Loki stood there in shock for a moment but the sound of Chuck’s wife starting to reload the shot gun quickly brought him back, rage and…something else filling him, accompanied by something bad he tried to reject, but try as he might it could never not be a part of him.

“I’d rethink that, for your own sake.” Loki growled at her, fake American gone, voice going inhuman and suggested something visceral as he let some of his true form slip into view. “I’m a lot harder to take down then your husband.”

“Monster.” She said with crazy eyed loathing, holding the gun toward him with trembling hands.

He sneered, bearing a mouthful of sharp teeth. “Yes.”

“I oughta shoot you down just for that.” She said with a brave determination.

“Is vengeance something want to risk the chance of orphaning your children for?” He asked.

She finally relented, lowering the gun. “I do owe you a debt, for exposing the scoundrel my husband really is.”

When she left his façade crumbled, and he fell to his knees, sobbing. “Chuck, chuck…” He muttered, taking chuck’s lifeless form in his arms, burying his face in his shoulder. This was his fault, this was his god damn fault…

\---

 Tony was roused by the sound of banging in his kitchen and what he could only presume was Thor enthusiastically singing a song from Mozart’s ‘The magic Flute’ in German.

As Tony lay there for a moment wondering if he was still dreaming, the singing paused for a moment only to pick up again with a loud bad rendition of ‘Queen of the Night’s Aria’ from the same play.

 _Christ, he’s not going to stop until I get up is he?_ Tony realized with dismay.

He groaned, pulling himself out of bed and threw on some proper clothes before shuffling to the kitchen whose enticing smells  beaconed him. As he walked in Thor was in the middle of shamelessly butchering his way through one of the staccato portions of the song.

“…Hey!” He snapped groggily. “I’m up, you can stop…please, stop.”

“Anthony!” Thor said jovially. “I’m making breakfast.”

“I see that. I also see you decided to break in to do it.”

“Well I’d hardly call it breaking in, there was a key under the mat.” Thor said.

“I don’t keep a key under the mat, plus you left this on counter.” He said, picking up a slim black zippered case with ‘LOCKPICK KIT’ written in black lettering on a piece of duct tape.

“In that case, yes, I suppose I did technically ‘break in.’ But you said to come by ten, that’s what I did.” Thor said defensively.

“I meant ‘at’ ten, and to wait for me to let you in.” Tony emphasized.

“Fine, I shan't do it again.” Thor said with a bit of a pout.

“Well I wouldn’t go as far as to say that, I do appreciate the breakfast.” Tony admitted. Damn he felt ravenous for some reason. “…Maybe we can just agree on an earlier time and I’ll let you in?”

“That I can do.” Thor agreed with a smile,  as he finished ladening two plates with eggs bacon and toast and carried them to the table. “Sit, Eat.”

“Why do I have bacon?” Tony asked, opening the fridge to retrieve a carton of orange juice.

“I might’ve picked up some provisions. Can’t go to work without a good meal.”

They sat down digging in, and Tony rolled his eyes in ecstasy.

“Holy shit this is so fucking good.” Tony groaned with his mouth full of bacon.

“Indeed.” Thor said with a smile.

“No, you don’t understand, I haven't had bacon in years. Or…beer, red meat, coffee, god damn sex for that matter....”

“You haven’t had all those things for years?” Thor commented in dismay.

“Well not exactly, but almost. It’s has to do with the heart thing.” Tony said with dismay.

“Sounds like a miserable existence.” Thor commented.

“It’s better than being dead.” Tony said with a shrug.

“I guess…So, hopefully it wasn’t too much of a bad one.” Thor said.

Tony looked up at him. “Pardon?”

“You were hollering a bit in your sleep. I didn’t want to going in to wake you because…well, that really wouldn’t be much help, would it? I’d just end up scaring you worse.”

“So you opted to belting out opera. I don’t think Mozart intended for Queen of the Night’s Aria to be sung in baritone by the way.”

“I was running out of songs I could remember.” Thor said defensively. “…And what do you know, have you met him?”

“No, of course not…wait, that’s right you guys are super old. Have you?” Tony asked in astonishment.

“Unfortunately not.” Thor admitted reluctantly. “He was before my time. As in he’d been dead for several years by the time I was in Vienna. My wife Jane has though, she was an opera singer.”

“Oh…” Tony bit his lip, trying not to smile to broadly at the thought that cropped up in his head. “…Did she hit that?”  He asked lowly.

“I beg your pardon?” Thor said in offense.

“I meant, did she -“

“I know what you meant.”

“Hey I’ve gotta ask, I heard he was a bit of a ladies man.” Tony said defensively.

“You really don’t, it’s none of your business.” Thor said, going a bit pink in the face.

“Alright, but if someone I were married to slept with a major historical figure I’d be proud.” Tony said. “But she’s uh…I take it she’s still alive right?”

“Yes, she and our daughter are visiting my parent’s in Norway.” Thor said. “I was going to go with them, but then Loki fell in peril.” He said as shoveled down eggs, mopping up the yolk with a piece of toast. “In my defense he has been in worst predicaments then this.”

“I think I might’ve dreamt one of those last night. He uh… used to have a thing with this guy, but the guy was married. His wife caught them together, more or less, and shot the dude down right in front of Loki.”

“I remember that, quite the unfortunate scenes to stumble into. Loki was distraught, I had to forcibly remove him from that house. Unless I’m mistaken that Chance fellow was one of his favorite lovers and he took it hard.”

 _Oh for fuck sake,_ Tony thought in frustration. “…It was Chuck, and I wouldn’t be surprised.” He grumbled.

“…it was hardly one of the worst though. I’d say the worst was when he joined that cult.”

“Oh God…” Tony said with dismay, covering his face. “Please tell me it wasn’t Charles Mason’s.”

“You’ve never heard of it, place upstate from here called Sakaar run by some lunatic who insisted on being called ‘Grandmaster’. Not that they weren’t as bad as the Mason clan, some might say they were worse given the fact Grandmaster was more competent then Mason.”

“…So why haven’t I heard of them?” Tony inquired.

“I’ve always detested criminals earning fame for their carnage so me and my people made them…quietly disappear.”

“You killed an entire commune or...whatever it was?”

“Please, we didn’t kill all of them, there were children and innocent brainwashed victims. We just eliminated the general infrastructure and the rest scattered, like leaves in the wind you might say.”

“okay, that’s it.” Tony said with exasperation, pushing back his plate and getting up. He wished he wasn’t almost done, if he hadn’t been that might’ve made the motion have more of an impact rather, but he’d been genuinely hungry. “…I want out.”

“What do you mean ‘I want out’?” Thor asked in confusion.

“I mean I want out of all of this, switch me an Loki back or something, I don’t want to become a morally ambiguous monster with the heart of someone who seems more and more like a god damn murderous psychopath’s heart beating in my chest.”

“He isn’t that bad, he’s the one whose idea it was to dismantal Sakaar.”

“Okay that’s a little better, but not by much.” Tony snapped. “He still joined the cult in the first place.”

 Thor sighed in frustration. “I can’t switch you back. Even if I still wanted to what’s done is done.”

“What do you mean still wanted to?”

“I wasn’t sure about you before, but you seem like a good fit for my brother as a mate. Your personalities align, plus you seem like you might…mellow him out.”

“Okay,” Tony said levelly, voice rising as he continued to speak. “I think there’s been a bit of a misunderstanding so let me clarify. I don’t want to be your brother’s mate, or partner, or husband or whatever the fuck you want to call it!”

Thor looked worryingly towards Loki’s room, the door ajar. “Do you think you should be talking so loudly? I’ve heard they can hear you when your…you know, in his present state.”

“Oh that’s a bunch of bullshit.” Tony said, not that he knew but he was so tired and pissed to care.

“I was…am his friend, sure, and yes maybe I sorta liked him in that way but the more I learn about your brother the more I’ve learned I was probably just a god damn place holder for some jerk he’s been hung up on for years…and as a man whose pushing fifty I’ve been around the block enough to know that that sort of relationship is generally a bad idea…I have to get ready for work god dammit.”

Thor watched him storm off before going to Loki’s room. “I’m sure he didn’t mean that.” He whispered to him uncomfortably.

\---

Loki blinked awake. He was in Tony’s room, the sun filtering surreally through lace curtains. It vaguely occurred to him Tony didn’t have lace curtains in his bedroom, or own lace curtains in general, but the fact didn't really register. He looked over and saw there was another form laying in the bed with him back turned to him and he smiled. “Tony…” He murmured affectionately as he reached for his shoulder, but his smile faded when the man grunted in confusion, in a voice deeper then Tony’s.

Chuck looked groggily over his shoulder at Loki who was looking back at him with disappointment, and smirked, hair greasy and disheveled. “You been two timing me? Who’s Tony?”

“No one.” Loki said nervously as he got up. They weren’t a Tony’s place anymore, but a nasty little motel room with the same lace curtains, but yellowed with age.

“You know how I feel about sharing.” Chuck growled, a strange gurgling noise coming from his throat as rose from the bed. He staggered towards him, gaping buck shot wound in his gut, dark shadows under his eyes. Loki could see now what the gurgling in his voice was now, there was blood in his mouth, teeth stained an awful brownish red as he bared them.

Loki gasped in revulsion, stumbling out of the motel room and into the late day sun glaring down on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably not going to take me as long to update again, given I have already written the draft for chapter 5
> 
> Additional note: Admittedly Queen of the Night’s Aria is one of my favorite things in existence and I highly recommend looking it up, especially Diana Damrau’s version.


	5. Wish You Were Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of a focus on Steve/Peggy/Bucky in this chapter, because I felt it was necessary for plot reasons.

 Tony sighed, rubbing his face. He’d been here a few days now, looking at cases that had been referred his way. He supposed it was better than wasting away at home, but he still felt like a cop who’d been demoted to desk work.

Luckily they’d yet to re-purpose his office for someone else, so he didn’t have to share Bruce’s. He was about to get up for some coffee when there was a knocking on the open door. Tony looked up to see…damn, he kept forgetting his name.

“Dr.Stark?…I'm Steve Rogers, I heard you were back.”

“Right, Steve Rogers! you had the uh…aunt with the aortic dissection I believe it was? I think about five years ago?”  Tony said innocently.

“Wife, and I think you know that, you made that joke last time five years ago.” He said testily.

“I can’t help it, she’s in here sixties, and what, you’re in your twenties?” He coughed ‘ _Cradle robber’_ into his fist, and Steve glared.

“Early thirties, and she’s in her mid fifties now.” He corrected. “I don’t think she’s that much older then you in fact.”

“I’m forty-eight.” Tony said defensively, but then recovered with a shrug and smirk.  “Though as surgeon I suppose the stress might've gotten to me a bit. We can’t all have sugar mamas or…whatever your situation is.”

Steve growled a bit in frustration.

“Alright fine, I’ll stop…” Tony said. “You wanted to say something?”

“I was sorry to hear you got sick, especially after everything you’ve done for our family. Just wanted to say it’s good to see you’re better.”

“Well, thank you.” Tony said, feeling a little uncomfortable now. “…How’d you hear?”

“I volunteer here a couple of times a week.” Steve said.

“Of course you do.” Tony muttered in an overly sweet tone.

“What?”

“Never mind. You her and your friend...Bucky I think it was? traveled pretty far for the operation didn’t you?"

"All the way from New York, and he's not just a friend, more like a partner." Steve replied.

"Yeah, I got that vibe, I just didn't want to presume." Tony said. “But I’m surprised you didn’t go back.”

“New York isn’t the same city it used to be, we were talking about a change in scenery anyway. Besides, we decided to sell my grandfather’s pizza place to help pay for medical expenses, so there wasn’t too much to go back to.”

Tony looked at him with a furrowed brow, feeling a little shitty now. “I’m pretty sure…I don’t seem to recall you mentioning that. Sor-“

“Yeah, we didn’t want people feeling sorry for us.” Steve said quickly with a tight smile. "Like I said, we wanted a change of scenery anyway."

“Gotcha.” Tony said.

“It’d been it the family since 1953. But it’s just a place, its people that really matter.”

“Still, over sixty years, that’s quite the run.” Tony said. “Bet your gramps was proud.”

“Thanks, you wouldn’t believe how many people called him a nut. Maybe he was, maybe he just got lucky, but he sure worked damn hard to see it through. Even teamed up with some fellas who actually knew what the hell they were doing so they could show him the ropes.”

“Sounds like he really kept him bases covered.” Tony said. “As far as all the folks calling him nuts go, like Sinatra said, ‘the best revenge is massive success.’”

“Yeah…there was this one guy in particular though, one of the worst naysayers from what I hear, who didn’t get to see it open for more then a couple of years because his wife may or may not have gruesomely murdered him.”

 “…I’m sorry, what?” Tony said, feigning obliviousness. He could’ve sworn the Steve and his buddy had just been a mish-mash of his dreams and the memories that weren’t his own that seemed to invade his sleep. The pizza place was one thing, but combined with this…

Perhaps this itself was a dream, perhaps he’d just nodded off in his office he thought hopefully.

“Guy took a buck shot to the chest. They suspected it was the wife but never had any proof she did it and well…” He laughed uncomfortably. “Asides from being a rampant cheater he was an asshole who pissed off a lot of people, so she had sympathizers. By no means did he deserve it but still, you never know when your gonna say the wrong thing to the wrong person, Dr. Stark.” He added pointedly.

“I’m sorry, are you…are you directing that toward me?” Tony asked.

“Damn, I’m sorry…this is sort of hard to explain, but at some point during the whole medical ordeal with Peggy someone in the family made a crack about how you bear an uncanny resemblance to him based on pictures, not to mention you being bit of a cocky jerk…well it might’ve stuck and turned into a running joke. Here let me show you-” He scrambled for his phone, frowning as he fumbled with it. “Drat, I can never work these things the…uh…” He trailed off before huffing in accomplishment. “See? Guy on the left with the mustache.”

He said handing him the phone which displayed a black and white photo of two men in plain clothes, but he didn’t pay much mind to the asshole with the mustache who he supposed did look a little like him. All he could see was the other one wearing that familiar smile that just made his heart ache a little.

“Fuck.” Tony muttered.

“It’s really just a stupid joke, just a distraction really.” Steve stammered out.

“No, it’s not that, I just…” He cleared his throat as he handed him back the phone. “I know the other guy.”

“You mean you know someone who looks like him.” Steve said with a nervous laugh. “It couldn’t possibly actually be him.”

“…Not if he isn’t human.” Tony said with a shrug.

They stared each other for a moment before Steve shut the door and shakily state down. “You’re joking.”

“Tell that to you face.” Tony said.

“Why would he tell you?” Steve asked and Tony shrugged.

"I don't know. I was dying, and he wanted to save me."

"By save I assume you mean what I think you mean." Steve asked.

"At the eleventh hour I decided to agree to it, desperation if you will." Tony said helplessly. “Now if you’re about to get all angry about it like his brother-“

“I don’t think it’s really any of my business.” Steve said with a shrug. “Though I does seem honorable, sounds just like him.”

“I think honorable is stretching it. If I weren't obligated to feel grateful I'd call it reckless."  

"Honorable intentions anyway." Steve smiled reminiscently. "...and as far as reckless goes I'm far from someone who has grounds to call it that myself."

 “Oh yeah, how'd that happen?" Tony said, opting to quickly change the subject. "How’d you meet him?”

“Uh, he and Bucky were buddies before he knew me, so they met me technically. Loki was being a little too mouthy at a bar and Bucky confronted him about it because well…he’d lost track of his people centuries ago, something about their civilization falling apart.”

“Loki’s brother was telling me about that.” Tony said. "I think it had to do with some disagreement with the human's around them."

“He promised Bucky he’d help get him find more of his own kind, his brother and the others. They were in New York, and that’s how I met him. He might’ve run into me when I was in the middle of a fight with some guy who was twice my size.” Steve said with sheepish grin. “After that it felt like he was always there watching out for me. If I had known what exactly that was well...”

“You wouldn’t have gone through with it?”

Steve scoffed waving the idea away. “No, I just mean I didn’t really know what I was getting into. I didn’t understand the enormity of it, what it would be like to watch everyone I know age. My wife…our wife…that’s a whole thing I’m not going to get into, we met sometime after she’d gotten her teaching degree about thirty-five years ago. She’s over forty years my junior and yet she’s looks massively older than me. How am I supposed to deal with that?”

“You can’t…you know…?”

“According to Loki it’s like…adult teeth, or human teeth anyway. Once you get your mate’s heart you’re stuck with it. Besides, Peggy’s stated on numerous occasions she just wants to live out a normal human life. Honestly I think part of it might have to do with the fact that she saw one or both of us in our natural states at one point or another and she can’t deal with that being part of the package…But really, if I had to chose again knowing what I know now I’d still do it, but I wouldn’t be doing it as some sickly kid who was looking for glory and adventure, I’d do it for Bucky.”

“So what happened? Why didn’t you go find your people after that?”

“We decided it wasn’t for us.” Steve said with a shrug. “Told Loki he could just go on his way.”

“But he didn’t. He fought with you in WWII.” Tony said, and Steve laughed.

“He isn’t as much of a lone wolf as he insists.” He said, then after a belligerent sigh, added: “Of course, then he met Chuck.”

“I have dreams about him.” Tony said. "If they're any indication he was a piece of work."

“We probably wouldn’t have been friends if it weren’t for Loki… I didn’t like the guy. Aside from the womanizing there was something mean spirited about him. I mean the jerk used to make fun of Loki behind his back all the time, and Loki was one of his only real friends. It'd be everything from the odd American accent he started doing when he enlisted, which I'm pretty sure he kept doing for Chuck’s sake, to how he loved the movies and radio and eventually television…”

“Seriously?” Tony said with surprise. “Okay, I’m starting to really resent the comparison of me to Chuck. That’s one of my favorite things about the bastard.”

“Sorry, it really was just a stupid joke.” Steve said with a pained smile.

“You want a drink? I need a god damn drink.” Tony said as he pulled out a small bottle of scotch from a drawer and a couple of tumblers.

“A splash, sure…wait should you be drinking?”

“Demon heart, remember?” Tony said as he served them both, then frowned. “I mean, unless it’s gonna make me go all…” He held his hands in a claw gesture and growled.

Steve chuckled. “…No, I just forgot.”

“It's fantastic being better again, I’m not too crazy about the trade off as far as Loki's concerned. Did I mention he’d in a coma?”

“Really?...is he going to be okay?”

“I think so…and it wasn’t my fault like I said.”

“Wasn’t blaming you.” Steve said.

They nursed their drinks in silence as Tony stared forward vacantly.

“…They were a thing weren’t they?” Steve asked eventually. “Chuck was pretty…what’s the word they use now? Homophobic? Always ragging on me and Bucky, but we always suspected there was something there.”

“You could say that.” Tony said helplessly. “Furthermore I don’t think you were the only one who made the comparison between me and Chuck, like I said I have these dreams, memories that arn't mine...do you know what I mean? Did you experience that?"

"I think I did but don't particularly remember it, it was so long ago and everything was a haze. But both Bucky and Loki have said in passing I talked about something like that."

"Well...when I have them and they involve Chuck I can feel him long for him, sometimes I'm literally him…and I’m not sure how to take that: Being seen as someone else. I mean for fuck’s sake: Did he just save me because he couldn’t save the bastard?”

“Look, I get what your saying, but maybe it isn't as simple as that."

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Tony said with annoyance.

“-The thing is…maybe we don’t ever really stop loving people we fall desperately for. Granted, yes, we get over it but still like part of us won't ever get over it even if we leave it behind. The dreams, the memories…maybe it’s like passing through a town. For a moment you’re there but eventually you’ll move on.”

“What if that isn’t the case?” Tony said.

“I can’t say for certain, but for what it’s worth if you’re the same guy he wouldn’t shut up about when we saw him a couple of months ago I’d say he’s crazy about you.”

Tony answered that simply with a tight smile. Steve took that as a signal to leave, setting the glass on Tony’s desk.

\---

Steve went back to his apartment, going through their mail as he came through the door, several times because he was too distracted to focus.

“Hey.” He said without looking up, vaguely aware of Peggy at the dinning room table grading essays from the college class she taught and Bucky in the kitchen perched on a barstool eating a sandwich.

Peggy looked up, sharing a look of concern with Bucky as he got up and walked over, running his fingers through his shaggy hair, which Steve still had mixed feelings about. Sure, he thought the man was attractive as hell no matter what, but it gave him a wild look that…suggested something. It was the look he always reverted to when things go rough, like a baser nature.

He’d looked like that when they first met after being on the road with Loki, and again when Peggy got sick. While she’d gotten the surgery and recovered it was as if he’d been reminded about the way things really were, who they really were.

Every once in a while he wanted to ask him to cut it again like it was when they first met and were both a damn lot more carefree. But he never did, because a simple haircut wasn’t going to change anything.

 “Hey yourself.” Peggy replied. “What’s with the long face darling?”

“Yeah, something happen?” Bucky said, crossing his arms. “That mouthy doctor say something to piss you off when you dropped off to say hi, offer your concern or what ever it was? I told you it wasn’t a good idea to go see him-“

“No. Well, not exactly. You remember when Loki was visiting a month or two ago, gushing on about his handsome boyfriend with the heart condition?”

Bucky looked at him with dismay. “That was Dr.Stark? How?”

“Serendipity perhaps?” Peggy offered, fiddling with the pen that she was using to grade that matched her light red nails as if contemplating whether or not she could continue working before standing and walking around the table. She smiled as she lifted her weathered but still devastatingly beautiful face up to Steve for as kiss, which he obliged as they shared a side embrace.

“More like asshole radar.” Bucky commented.

“Well perhaps we made Dr.Stark to be a bit worse than he really was.” Steve said with a little wince. “Definitely not as bad as Chuck was anyway.”

“Well from what I’ve heard about him that isn’t much of an accomplishment.” Peggy pointed out. "Say, this does explain why we got to see more often then usual in the last four months. He did say he ran into him after he first came to visit."

“...Yes he can be a bit much, but maybe we should rethink how we see him.”

“He’s just another infatuation hun, what does it matter?” Bucky criticized.

“…I think this time it might be different.” Steve said carefully. “As in he might be family now different.”

“Are you sure?” Bucky asked.

“Tony told me as much.” Steve said. “I suppose he could be full of it but the man did suddenly recover from the heart condition.”

“Wait, how does that work?” Peggy asked, making a face. “Is Loki okay?”

“He mentioned he was in a coma, but Bucky was sick when we did it too so...” Steve said.

“Yeah, for a couple of days, and I was conscious.” Bucky countered. “This is another matter completely. You know, I was always worried someone would take advantage of him. I was honestly a little glad to hear about what happened to Chuck for that very reason.”

“Tony’s not Chuck, from what I understand he actually gives half a damn about him.” Steve said with a gentle smile, reaching out for Bucky’s shoulder to give it an encouraging squeeze and Bucky in turn stepped forward into his free arm. “…Plus Loki’s a big boy, he can make his own choices.”

“I still think I should keep an eye on the bastard.” Bucky murmured, and Steve chuckled.

 “…Just don't be weird about it alright?"

"I'll try." Bucky conceded. "But I ain't making any promises."

\---

When tony got home late in the evening he was still feeling heavy from his conversation with Steve.  Like he said he would be Thor was still there, and after they discussed Tony’s schedule for the rest of the week, he left, leaving Tony with his thoughts.

Tony walked to Loki’s room, looking numbly at him. Was it just his imagination or did he look a little…sadder then before? His phone chimed, and took it out to discover Steve had sent something through his work email.

 _‘Thought you might want this. –Steve’_ it simply said. He expected to see the photo he’d seen before when he opened the attachment, but it was similar one of Loki on his own, grinning at him in sepiatone through what seemed like a million miles away. _I supposed in a way he is,_ He thought as he smiled back wistfully before putting the phone away, looking back up at the Loki here with him now.

 After a second of thought he found himself giving into what he'd been tempted to do the last couple of days, taking off his shoes and blazer before slipping in the bed on Loki's side without his IV, kissing his temple before somberly putting his head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry about what I said.” He murmured sadly. “I don’t know if you heard it, but, fuck…I didn’t mean it. I’m with you alright? Like you said, as long as you need me to be.” He said. “I don’t know if it’s the whole heart switch thing and I’m supposed to feel like this, but I think I’m starting to get attached and I just don’t know how I’m going to deal with it.”

He didn’t mean to drift off, but something about being close to the other man soothed the storm he hadn’t fully realized had been raging within him.

\---

Loki, still dreaming, had been walking along a desolate looking highway for who knows how long, and came across an abandoned filling station. Feeling ragged and defeated, he sat down next to a couple of rusted out newspaper machines on the oil stained pavement, shakily breathing with his face in his hands.

He heard steps accompanied by a shadow passing over him and he managed to angrily choke out: “Oh fucking hell…I’ll be moving on, just give me a god damn minute!”

“Hey, it’s just me.” A comforting voice said. He looked up to see Tony squatting down so he wasn’t looming over him, reaching for his face.

“Yeah, I’ve heard that one before.” Spat out Loki, swatting the hand away.

“I promise, it isn’t a trick.” Tony said. “Sorry about before.”

“What the fuck was that about?” Loki said through angry clenched teeth, a couple of fat tears rolling down his cheek. “Where’d you go?”

Tony smiled helplessly, face illuminated in a sun he just realized was rising. “Hell if I know, I'm here now anyway.”

“Fucker.” Loki muttered thickly, though he was smiling a bit.

“Let’s get out of this dump, alright?” Tony asked with amusement.

“Thought you’d never ask.” Loki said. They both stood, Loki perhaps getting up too fast and accidentally falling into Tony’s arms, though neither of them seemed to mind, laughing as Tony’s grasp tightening around him. He felt believably solid and warm and if Loki didn’t know better he’d swear he were really there with him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, don't know when I'll update again, I'm on the home stretch with the story (as in I don't think it'll have more then three or four chapters) so I'm probably going to just write the rest of it in one go just to get my story straight and that tends to take awhile for me. (plus side: defiantly going to finish it)
> 
> Also: thinking of continuing on with this in a series of mini fics that expand on things that I mentioned in this fic but for the sake of simplicity probably won't get into here.


	6. Facing your Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updating this, I almost finished it last summer but then lost it via computer crash. Truth be told I don't enjoy rewriting things from the ground up, thus the fact it took awhile, but hey...I'm finally there again (plus I sorta like this version more then the one I had)

Tony had just gotten home, and instead of going inside went straight to the backyard, not quite ready to face what waited for him there. The roses Loki had been tending were going through a second bloom, white flowers like ghostly apparitions in the twilight of a late summer day that felt like it could go on forever,at least in the moment. He stared at them in a slight daze as cricket’s trilled from the shadows.

“Tony, is everything alright?”

He looked back, dully aware of the sound of the back door opening, Thor apparently seeing him come back here. It had been over a week since he'd started helping him and he finally got him to stop calling him Anthony.

"...I needed some time alone before going inside." He said pointedly.

"Oh, sorry...I can go back inside if you'd like." Thor said.

"No no, it's alright." Tony said. "The roses are nice, aren't they? They never were that good before Loki came."

Thor chuckled. "...I suspected as much. He does have a gift, not to mention he's partial to them. It seems like where ever he goes, despite whatever chaos and death he might leave in his wake, there's usually roses or at least some sort of flower."

"He did spend a good bit of time back here." Tony said wistfully.

"How are you friend Tony, honestly?" Thor asked in concern.

“I just...I don't know, I don’t know what to do I mean.” Tony said. “I feel like garbage, I’m still having those dreams, and now I’m being stalked by an ex patients world war two vet demon husband.”

“I beg your pardon?” Thor balked.

Tony groaned. “Bucky. He’s an old friend of Loki’s, one of your kind...our kind I guess.”

“My kind, technically." Thor corrected him. "I'll tell Clint and Natasha about him."

"I feel so protected." Tony grumbled. If it wasn't Bucky lurking around it was one of them, not to mention Steve dropping every now and again to see if 'everything was alright'. it was stifling, but he couldn't say as much so he half jokingly added: "So after all that's happen I'm not one of you?"

“That was a bit harsh wasn’t it? Of course I would consider you something of an honorary member, just without the claws and the teeth and the horns-“

Tony sighed, crossing his arms. “You say that like it’s a bad thing, not turning into a blood thirsty beast.”

“-It’s like human puberty, sure it isn’t pleasant but it’s a necessary evil. And I have concerns you might be experiencing some sort of rejection given all the time that's passed and the cavalier nature of my brother…helping you I suppose, since you aren’t exactly mates as you insist.”

“I’m perfectly healthy. I mean, yes I feel horrible and I don’t know why, but physically I’m fine.”

“Not a rejection in the physical sense, but spiritual. Perhaps if you had gone through the proper channels-"

"Well we didn't." Tony said testily, before adding: "What exactly are the proper channels?"

"Well for one thing we assess your compatibility through a series of personal evaluations, then the two would go through a binding ceremony of sorts."

"Binding?"

"Temporary mind you, so your human spirit could recognize the Æsir and doesn't resist the change.

“Oh.” Tony said in awed realization.

“I wouldn’t feel too bad, even when we do everything right sometimes things go wrong-”

“No, I mean…” He struggled to find the words. “In these dreams I’ve been having, this…beast man who looks like Loki keeps going after me going on about how I’m ‘not supposed to be there’. Maybe somehow it’s rejecting me…is that possible?”

Thor looked at him gravely. “I’m afraid I’m not familiar with that scenario, but I’m sure it is.”

"...So what does that mean for me either way?"

"I don't want to go into the details, but nothing good. For some certain death, for others utter madness."

“Great, good outcomes.” Tony said with exasperation, looking back at the roses. As the silence grew between them Thor nervously said he had to go, to which Tony just raised a hand in acknowledgement.

\---

As far as Loki's memories went he barely remembered them when he dreamt them now, perhaps because they’d since fragmented off enough to become indistinguishable amongst the chaos of his own dreams.

But the desert, that always showed up clear strong and terrifying.

Over time he’d figured out how not to get killed instantly, which was a trial and error process involved discovering a abandoned house that was little more than a frame, trying to hid there, and when that didn't work he climbed up the large dead oak tree  behind the house, then finally learning he needed to bring something up into the tree to keep the beast from coming up and dragging him down. On this occasion he had a rusted metal fence post which he was currently jabbing at the aforementioned beast as it snarled up at him, stomping on the dead grass under the tree with his bare feet.

“Get the fuck down from there you sniveling rat!” it spat out in frustration, stomping on the dusty ground after a half an hour of trying to get Tony down.

“You’re just going to kill me! You always kill me and it’s kinda getting old.”

“You’re not supposed to be here.” It snarled, looking around the yard.

 _Son of a bitch was looking for something to throw._ “Look, I’d love to never come back to this baren wasteland, but I can’t. Plus it's my fucking head!”

The beast was about to throw a particularly large sharp looking rock but lowered it. “Excuse me?”

“Where the fuck else-“ Tony trailed off. Was it possible whatever this thing was didn’t know? “Where do you think we are?”

It didn’t know how to answer that, or perhaps felt like it couldn’t tell Tony, so it retorted: “Where ever it is you’re not supposed to be here!” Before attempting to scramble up the tree again.

“Don’t… fucking… give me that, if anyone’s not supposed to be here it’s you…whoever or whatever you are.” Tony growled as he continued to jab.

That once again stopped the creature. “I am The Primal, the spirit of the Æsir, the beast from within!” It said with the kind of importance that you wouldn't expect from someone in rags and their hair in matted locks.

“The Primal? Is that your name?” Tony shouted down.

“I have no name. I am the baser instinct, I am the beginning of time and the end of it.” He spat out.

“Eloquent. How about Prim? Do you mind if I call you that instead because the alternative is sorta clunky…” Tony continued.

“It matters not for I shall soon call you dead!” Prim excitedly retorted. “The Æsir kind speak of dignity but deep down are but a victim to a blood lust, them and those who have been gifted with it-“

“Hold on, yes, that’s who I am!” Tony quickly interjected. “One of ‘those who have been gifted’ or whatever.”

“You lie.” The Primal said. “I would know you if that were the case.”

“Yeah, you should’ve, but it was kinda a last minute ‘gifting’.”

“You can say whatever you wish, but it doesn’t change the fact I don’t know who you are, human.” He spat out the word like it was poison.

“It’s Tony.” He said weakly, which prim waved off.

“A name! A name has nothing to do with it. I speak of a deeper knowing involving a kind of marriage, approval, time to connect emotionally before the trading of hearts can transpire-“

“Yeah, none of that happened I’m afraid.” Tony said, and Prim looked so dejected at that Tony had to add: “Sorry.”

“He wouldn’t do that to us.” Prim continued, more to himself then Tony with such as heart breaking look of betrayal in his eyes that Tony was distracted long enough for him to grab the fence post, pulling him down with it. “You lie!”

“Fuck-“ Was the last thing he said.

\---

He was still out of sorts that morning after the dream, thinking about what it could mean as he was making his way out of the parking garage to his office so when a figure slunk from the darkness, it made Tony start a little more then he would.

"Dammit Clint." He snapped. "Don't jump out at me like that."

"What you thought I was that other fellow whose been hanging around?" He pointed out. "We need to talk about him."

"This is about that conversation I had with Thor yesterday isn't it? Look, don't worry about it. He's a nuisance but he isn't dangerous, he's one of Loki's friends."

"That isn't the most convincing argument, given some of some of his choice of friends and well...Loki. Besides, even if this guy doesn't mean you harm he's still an unstable threat, one that could push you over the edge. God knows your constantly on the verge of mauling a patient anyway."

"What are you getting at?" Tony demanded.

"I'm saying Thor was right when he said it was a mistake for you to come back here, you're too much of a liability. Call in sick and go home."

"Or what?" Tony countered.

"Well for starters I have no reservations of knocking you unconscious, sticking you in your own trunk and driving you home myself."

Tony sighed, shaking his head. "Fine, I'm not feeling so hot anyway."

\---

That night he was delaying the inevitable of going to sleep again when a there was a knock on his door. Which was absurd because it was pouring out right now, unusual for this time of year there but not unheard of.

Though these days there was a multitude of people that could just show up at his door, so he supposed he wasn’t surprised to see his stalker standing outside, looking wet and despondent. Tony contemplated calling Steve or Thor but in the end put the chain up and opened the door.

"You weren't at work today." Was the first thing Bucky said.

“An astute observation. What, could you not pass up the chance to haunt me?"

“This isn’t about you, I wanted to see him.” Bucky said, trying to sound tough but it came out miserable. “Loki I mean.”

“This couldn’t wait until morning?” Tony said with annoyance.

“No.” Bucky replied simply.

Tony gave him a long tired look before letting him in. “You know I almost called that husband of yours.”

“I do appreciate that, he doesn’t know I’m here.” Bucky said, clutching his arms to his chest, shivering. “I don't think he'd approve."

“Oh no? I was sure he would, it's such a sensible thing to do. Hold on, let me get you a towel.”

“Thanks.” Bucky said when he came back with it, wrapping it around his shoulder.

“Seriously, have you completely lost it?” Tony said, though without much conviction.

Bucky shrugged, looking downward. “I’m aware of how this looks, I just…really wanted to see my friend.”

“Okay, okay.” Tony said. “You do know he’s in a coma still, right?”

“Where is he?” Bucky asked instead of answering that.

“Hallway to the left. You want something to drink?”

“I wouldn’t say no to coffee.” He said, eyeing the fresh pot Tony had been making. “Black, two sugars.”

“You got it.” Tony said with bewilderment.

When he got to Loki’s room Bucky was already at Loki’s bedside, looking grave, almost regretful of something Tony wasn't certain of.

“It’s hard seeing him like that isn’t it?” Tony handed him one of the steaming mugs he was carrying.

“You’re telling me.” Bucky said. “What sort of person makes coffee at this hour?”

“The kind who dreads sleep.” Tony answered. “Or at least the dreams that come with them.”

“Fuck, I remember Steve having trouble with that.” Bucky said reminiscently. "If it's any comfort he forgot fairly quickly."

“So he's mentioned.” Tony winched cautiously before asking: “How’d he deal with that at the time, do you remember?”

“I don’t know, I think it straightened itself out on its own.” Bucky answered with a shrug. “I think it helped that he had me…this must be hell for you, him being like this.”

A thought occurred to Tony. “Were you and him ever…”

Bucky scoffed. “Hell no, just friends. That would’ve been uh…a mess to say the least.”

He’d set the coffee down and took Loki’s hand in his, and seemed to be concentrating on something.

“What are you doing?” Tony said in a hushed voice.

Bucky looked back at him with mild annoyance. “Trying to say hello."

"I see his brother do that a lot...can you literally talk to him? Thor is fairly tight lipped about the whole thing, I think he still sees me as an outsider or something. Or maybe he's secretly mad at me about his brother, who the fuck knows."

"Well your heart certainly did number on him." Bucky commented.

"Believe me, I've been beating myself up over it." He said, glancing at Loki grimly. "So what can you tell me about it?"

"Based on what I know about it there's not a lot to tell, it's just something our kind experience after trauma. I dont know recall what Loki's people call it, others call it but folks in my circles call it 'repose'. It's not bad its just..."

He trailed off so Tony spoke for him. "...Recovery? Yeah, I kinda got that impression. Thor insisted human medical intervention was unnecessary, but I guess I didn't want to take a chance. I am doctor after all."

"Well, surgeon." Bucky corrected and as Tony mad a noise of annoyance and Bucky smirked peevishly. "All the same, suppose it can't hurt none, aside from your bank account. So you saw Thor do this too huh?"

“I’ve seen Thor try to do it, he’s always come back from it annoyed.” Tony’s brow furrowed, stepping toward Bucky. “Maybe-“

But Bucky tensed up at that, actually partially shielding Loki as he did. “ Watch yourself!” He said in a low dangerous voice.

“Ho, easy there, I just was wondering if it would help if I did it too.”

Bucky studied him cautiously before relaxing again. “What makes you think you can help?”

“I’m his mate…closest thing he has to one anyway.” Tony said.

He sighed, shrugging. “I suppose it's worth a shot. Granted don’t know if it would work with you, but you just take his hand and try to speak to him. But inwardly. If he's ready to wake up he will, if not...I don't know, it's sorta like saying we're here for him I guess."

“So how’s it working for you?”

Bucky sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know, he feels far away.” He added almost reluctantly. “Alright, pull up a chair, let's give it a whirl.”  He relented, nodding to the other side of the bed.

Tony did, taking his hand. It didn’t really feel like anything, though it was nice, almost communal.

“…You’re surprisingly calm for someone who had some over reactive nut-job show up at his house.” Bucky said after a moment of silence. _An apology, or something close to it_ , Tony thought with amusement, that took him by surprise.

“You’re not a nut job.” Tony said. “Even if you are it's no more then Loki is. You’re just two people who were set adrift for awhile, until you found each other. I’m sure that sort of thing can make a guy go a little nuts. And as far as being calm goes I’m too tired, it’s either this or full blow hysterics...and that'd just be embarrassing.”

That prompted a small laugh from Bucky. “Those god damn dreams.”

“You could call them that.” Tony grumbled.

“Yeah, been thinking about that ever since Steve mentioned talking to you about it, specifically the stuff about Chuck.” He winced, adding as an afterthought: “He didn’t mean to say it, we just tell each other everything and I think he just…said it, you know?”

“I didn’t really think about it this way, I but I don’t think I would’ve told him anything I wouldn’t want you to know. Then again…I suppose I feel invasive knowing it in the first place. I mean, he never really told me anything about himself. He was just this biker dude who was really into the 1950s look and liked sci-fi and monster of the week nonsense-“ He shook his head. “Dammit, I should’ve shown him the X-files.”

Bucky smirked at that. “I'm pretty sure he’s seen that.”

“Well there is some stuff he’s missed.” Tony said defensively.

“It’s alright. It’s…sweet of you.” He said the word with such a reluctance Tony had to intervene.

“I mean, it’s really not, it’s just me wanting to expose something new to someone, it’s sort of selfish really-“

“No, I’ve been watching you and you seem like a decent person.” Bucky insisted. “Do you know how annoying that is?”

“Being wrong you mean?” Tony said innocently, batting his eyes at Bucky, earning a glare.

“I still think you’re a god damn son of a bitch, but you’re alright dude where it counts.”

Tony laughed a little, Christ this was weird. “I’m not crazy about how you’ve been stalking me, but that’s good to know.”

“Well, stalking’s a strong word-”  Bucky started defensively.

“You showed up at my house in the dead of evening.” Tony interjected.

“Fair point.” He relented.

They sat in silence after that, and at one point Tony swore he felt something from within beyond himself, a warm and familiar presence just below the surface.

Apparently it wasn’t just him because Bucky quietly asked: “You felt that right?”

“I did. Was that what you were talking about?” He answered in awe.

“Yeah. I know it’s not a lot but-“

“It’s enough.” Tony said. “I’ve known he’s still in there, medically we can tell, but…I’ve still been worried you know? So it’s enough.”

Later, before Bucky left he tentatively said: “I uh…Thank you. For tolerating me.”

“Oddly I’m grateful you showed up. It put a kind of strange order to things. Feels like I can face the beast head on.”

Bucky shrugged. “I don’t know why, it just felt like what I was supposed to do.” He started to go but faltered. “You know, I don’t think Steve remembers saying this, after he went through the change he was in a state of delirium, which probably means it means nothing, but he said something about how ‘In the end the key was facing the monster rather then running from it’…does that mean anything to you?”

It was late and even though he thought of the man somewhat differently he didn’t want to get into the possibility of Bucky having a feral doppelganger like Loki. “…Just sounds like you run of the mill self-help nonsense, but I’ll keep it in mind.”

Bucky nodded, venturing out into the night. The rain had since stopped, so he had to face nothing aside from the cold as he hurried toward a sky blue compact car he’d been seeing around town, and he couldn’t help but stare a bit in disbelief.

“Son of a bitch…” He muttered before closing the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and if you came back thanks for sticking with me, chapter 7 should come soonish!!!


End file.
